Cast No Shadow
by Cykrawlerine
Summary: Iruka and Kakashi are both missing something in their lives.  Can they find it in each other? Yaoi warning, KakaIru.
1. Prologue

A/N: This is a re-post for the story originally titled "Never Shed a Tear." I found that the story was not taking the direction I wanted it to, so I decided to try it again. This first chapter, the prologue, is the compilation of the first two chapters of NSaT, which are the during the beginning of Naruto, and after that, it takes place during the timeskip between Naruto and Shippuuden. 

A note about the songs and chapter titles:

I hate songfics as much as the next person. This is not a songfic. Nor is it a one-shot. The chapter titles are the titles of the songs that inspired that chapter. The lyrics will be included at the beginning of the chapters, and are not interspersed throughout the text (which annoys me to no end). I was originally not going to do the music-thing, but I kept hearing songs that fit with the pairing, so bear with me. Eventually I may figure out how to make an online playlist with all the tunes, but I don't know. Depends on the piece's popularity, I guess.

Reviews are ALWAYS WELCOME! They keep me writing. Please tell me what you think about my writing and the story's plot. No flames, but constructive criticism is allowed and accepted gratefully.

Disclaimers: I don't own Naruto, nor any of the characters in it. I do not pretend to own Naruto. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right? As for the music, I do not own it either. It is all the property of the respective artists, and credit will gived in each chapter for each song.

Alright, I'll stop blabbing and get with the story now...

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Prologue

(Cast no Shadow is property of Oasis)

Here's a thought for everyman

Who tries to understand what is in his hands

Walks along the open road of love and life

Surviving if he can...

-Cast No Shadow, by Oasis

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Umino Iruka had never met a child quite like Uzumaki Naruto. As the head instructor at the ninja academy of Konoha, he'd seen it all. But never anyone that even compared to the blond-haired boy that now sat before him, glaring at him defiantely.

"Naruto... I am going to ask you once more: WHERE did you hide my hitai-ate?!"

The boy answered with the typical reaction for a child his age, the infamous 'I dunno' shoulder shrug.

"You know where it is, now tell me!" he demanded, though in a voice that suggested he really didn't want to scold the boy.

The shoulders shrugged again.

"Naruto..." Iruka began again, exasperated. "Do you know why I'm so upset about this?"

The boy shook his head.

"My hitai-ate... Any ninja's hitai-ate, that is, is one of the most important things to that person. It tells anyone who sees you wearing it that you are a ninja, and that your loyalty is to the hidden village whose symbol is on your headband. The hitai-ate you stole from me is part of who I am. And I would like it back. Understand?"

Naruto looked thoughtful for a moment, as if, for once, he was actually considering what Iruka had said. After a moment he looked back up to Iruka and grinned hugely.

"Yeah, I understand, Iruka-sensei. I'm sorry I took it from you."

He reached back into the bag he had slung over his shoulder and pulled out a strip of clean navy-blue cloth emblazoned with a silver plate. A leaf was stamped into the metal, marking the hitai-ate as belonging to a Konoha ninja. Naruto handed it over, still smiling broadly.

Iruka was still a bit shocked that he had actually recieved an apology from the boy, who he knew to be without a shred of shame, and who was never sorry for what he did. Or, at least, he never showed it.

"Arigatou, Naruto-san."

"But I hope you know I'll have one of those for myself pretty soon, Iruka-sensei! Believe it, I'm gonna graduate this year if it kills me!"

Iruka smiled. Yep, still the same Naruto he'd always known.

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It wasn't too long before Iruka did find himself untying his hitai-ate from his head and fastening it on Naruto's forehead, grinning broadly as he told the boy to open his eyes. The look of wonderment as Naruto realized that not only was his sensei hitai-ate-less, but that he could feel the weight of the item around his own head. And even though Iruka was bleeding from a dozen different wounds, in more pain than he'd ever felt before, he couldn't help but grin joyfully.

"Congratulations, Naruto! You graduate!"

He then felt considerable pain in his back as Naruto lept on top of him and threw his arms around him in a huge hug. He winced a little but kept up his smile, and returned the hug as best he could with his wounded arms. When Naruto finally let go and stood up, he started jumping up and down excitedly, his face flushed and his eyes shining with happy tears.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you..."

"Ne, Naruto! How about we go for some ramen, alright?"

He was answered by another YES! and barrage of 'thank you's that ended with Naruto leaning down and helping him to his feet.

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After stopping at a med-station and getting himself patched up, Naruto and Iruka danced and limped, respectively, to the place they both favored for their weekly ramen treat. Ichiraku's might not have been the biggest or nicest stand in town, but it certainly had the best food of them all. Especially their pork ramen. Iruka was in love with their pork ramen.

When they sat down, he ordered exactly that, a medium bowl of pork ramen, and Naruto got a large bowl of miso ramen, which he ate within 20 seconds and quickly hailed the owner for another. Iruka finished his a bit slower, and was done eating after the first bowl. His back was starting to really hurt him again from sitting upright for so long.

"Ne, Iruka-sensei?" He eventually heard Naruto take a break from eating and address him.

"Yeah?"

"Why are you being so nice to me, again?"

"What, you don't remember what I said?"

"I do, kind of... but why all of a sudden like this? You used to always just yell at me... and now you're doing all kinds of stuff for me."

"Naruto, it took me awhile to realize it, but you remind me of myself when I was younger. The only reason I was so strict with you was because I thought it would keep you making the same stupid mistakes that I did when I was your age. Now I see that it would have been better if I would have just showed you a little kindness... I guess I forgot that that was all I really wanted when I was your age."

"Oh. Well, thank you."

"For what?"

"For caring about me. It's kind of new for me."

"You're welcome. And thank you, Naruto, for helping me see what an ass I was being," he said with a smile.

The smile was returned.

It was replaced by a look of wonder as a young couple walked up to the shop and took a seat. The woman had on a shirt that wasn't really a shirt so much as something that slightly resembled a shirt but was really just a small piece of material, and a skirt that was much the same. The man was built like an ox, and though he wore the hitai-ate of Konoha, he looked nothing like the typical picture of a ninja, with bulgy muscles that made him look much too bulky and slow by ninja standards. Most nin were slimmer, with a balanced look that hid how strong they really were... With the exception of the Akimichi clan, Iruka added to himself.

Iruka watched in amusement as Naruto tried to hide the fact that he was ogling the woman, who'd taken a seat only a stool away from him. He was so intent on staring that he left his steaming ramen untouched, very un-Naruto like. With a smile, Iruka nudged Naruto with his elbow.

"Ne, Naruto... It's not polite to stare," he said, grinning at the furious blush that crept up Naruto's face as he whipped his head around to face Iruka. A moment later, the boy was grinning like a fiend, his typical, toothy, little-kid smile that made Iruka happy every time he saw it.

"She's so hot, Iruka-sensei," he whispered, although when Naruto whispered, it was like any other person's regular voice.

Iruka chuckled under his breath at the incredulous air in the boy's voice. So the kid was finally starting to be interested in girls. That was a new development, one that Iruka was happy to see occurring. It was important that a kid his age stopped training long enough to deal with changing emotions and the like. One thing that made him opposed to the young age at which ninja began their training. But he made no reply to the boy's comment other than an amused laugh.

"What?" Naruto questioned. "She is, isn't she? Don't you think so, Iruka-sensei?"

"Sure," he replied, though in a uninterested voice. "But look at the guy she's with. I'd stop staring if I were you; he'd crush you like a bug if he caught you looking like that."

Inwardly, he praised himself for the quick cover-up.

"Whatever," Naruto said, refocusing his attentions on his ramen, which he attacked immediately. Iruka, however, could see the mischievous smirk on the boy's fox-like features.

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"So, Iruka-sensei," Naruto began after they had paid and begun their walk home from Ichiraku's. "What's the real reason you're never interested in any of the women we see when we're out?"

Iruka flushed red, thankful that the darkness hid his sudden discomfort at the topic of conversation.

"What do you mean?" he asked carefully.

"See, you're nervous now, sensei! There's a reason why you never like looking at the women. You always have an excuse. I wanna know why!"

Damn that kid, damn him and his damn perceptive nature! Now he was really getting nervous.

"What?... I... All the women we met were trashy!" he blurted, not knowing what else to say. He kept looking straight ahead, determined to get home before the situation worsened.

"No they weren't! There were a lot of classy ones!" Iruka stopped up short as he suddenly found his way completely blocked by the short kid in orange. The boy leaned in close, one eye squinted, as if examining him. A smile crossed his face as he stepped back and folded his arms across his chest a moment later. The smile widenened into a triumphant, toothy grin.

"Iruka-sensei, you don't [ilike[/i women, do you?"

"What! No, where the... What gives you that... What do you think you're doing, saying that?! Of course I like women, I..."

The sly grin continued before him, unchanged by his embarrassed spluttering.

"Stop looking at me like that! And get out of the way, it's getting late and my back is killing me..."

The boy stood unmoving.

Iruka opened his mouth, and then stopped. He had been about to say how horrible it was to accuse him of being like that, but... That would be insulting himself, and he couldn't bring himself to say it. He'd already come to terms with what he was, he knew how he felt. The only trouble was what other people would say if they knew. And damn it, Naruto was figuring it out. No, scratch that, he already had.

He gave a defeated sigh, and stood uncomfortably before the younger boy who'd managed to figure out what he'd been working years to hide.

"Okay, Naruto, you've got me. I, uh, I don't like women..." Amazingly, it actually felt better to say that than it had to try and hide it.

"Knew it!"

"Naruto, you can't tell anyone. I don't want people to know that I'm... like that."

"Oh, come on, Iruka-sensei, just say it. You're gay. But, why're you acting like I'm gonna hate you now? It doesn't make me hate you, as long as you don't like ME like that... Because not only would that be uncomfortable for me... It would be pervy and wrong." The boy shuddered.

Iruka found himself finally able to smile, his nervousness lifting slightly. He even chuckled quietly at Naruto's last comment.

"No, Naruto, I don't like you like that," he said, still laughing as he said it. "I agree, that would be totally pervy and wrong."

They found themselves both laughing at that.

"Good. 'Cause then it would be like my older brother was hitting on me, or something. Ugh..." He shuddered again comically.

Iruka laughed along with him, though the boy's last comment touched him. Naruto thought of him like an older brother? That warmed him inside, making the smile permanent upon his face until he walked alone into his 5th story apartment and headed to bed. Naruto looked up to him. Respected him.

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A week later, after a rather rough week of teaching that had been made worse by the soreness in his back and arms, and by his having to take over some of Mizuki's old students after his colleague's recent arrest, Iruka found himself once again, walking home from the ramen shop with a hyper-active, blond genin. The boy was in the middle of rambling on and on about how his new sensei was so lazy, always late, and on and on. The only thing that caught Iruka's attention was when Naruto brought up the fact that his new teacher, Kakashi Hatake, had fallen for a simple prank Naruto had pulled on him.

"What?" he asked, surprised that such a famous, powerful ninja would fall for something like a childish prank.

"Yeah, I put an eraser up between the door and the wall and he walked right into it! I was laughing so hard..."

"That old trick? He seriously fell for that?" Iruka knew the prank well, having pulled it on more people than he could count when he was Naruto's age.

"Yeah! But it didn't do much since his hair is already grey..." The boy's tone dropped to something of disappointment.

"But that's still awesome he fell for it!" Iruka felt himself slip back into the child's part of his mind, the part that had yet to mature enough to disregard the humor in such pranks. Ordinarily, he would have rather jumped off a bridge than encourage Naruto's pranks, but now that Naruto was no longer his student... He held his hand up for a high-five at the simple, yet brilliant trick. Naruto leapt a little off the ground and slammed his hand against Iruka's, grinning furiously. Iruka reached his hand up and fondly ruffled the boy's hair, now with a grin similar to Naruto's plastered across his face. He chuckled as the boy ducked away, his face taking on a comical pout at the gesture.

"So, what we've discovered so far is that your jounin sensei, supposedly a genius, the great Hatake Kakashi, fell for a little prank that I could've spotted a mile away?" Iruka felt an almost smugness at this. So what if he was a chuunin teacher. Teaching taught you to look underneath the underneath, and to develop a sort of trouble-radar that had yet to fail him. He knew it was childish for him to be thinking about wanting to out-do someone so much his surperior, but it'd been awhile since Iruka had let that childish bit out, and it felt good to let down the serious facade he'd built up over the years.

"Yup! I wonder if he'd fall for anything else..."

They walked the next few blocks with Naruto listing off different pranks and Iruka vetoing the bad and praising the good. It proved hard to come up with something good enough to really mess with the jounin, but in the end, Iruka suggested a brilliant scheme that got Naruto all excited and bouncy again. It took him a full minute to calm down enough to continue the conversation. Having decided on the prank, Naruto changed the topic to something else he'd been wanting to talk with his sensei about.

"Ne, Iruka-sensei, you need to get a boyfriend."

The comment was so sudden, it caught Iruka way off guard.

"What?!"

"You need to get a boyfriend."

"What tells you that, all of a sudden, I need a boyfriend? And, besides that, I don't think my personal life is any of your buisiness!" As he said this, his voice took on his 'stern-teacher' tone. But it did make him smile inwardly that the boy was concerned about him.

"You're lonely."

Why on Earth was this tiny, obnoxious, blond Kyuubi-container so damn perceptive?!

"What? I have friends! And..." But he couldn't really think of anything to list off, so he repeated, flustered, "I have friends!"

"Like who?"

"Like M-" He'd been about to say Mizuki, but after the recent incident with the scroll, he didn't really count anymore. "Uh, Kotetsu-san and Izumo-san, and... Genma-san...uh..." Damn it.

"Iruka-sensei, you're not really friends with them. You just know them. You know every person in this village by name, and they all know you, but you're not friends with any of them! And I don't count 'cause I'm pretty much family."

It took a moment for Iruka to even begin to process the younger ninja's words. But before he could reply, Naruto was waving and dashing towards the door to his apartment building, calling back to Iruka.

"Well, g'night, Iruka-sensei! Thanks for the ramen!"

After staring blankly after the blond head that soon disappeared inside the door, Iruka walked the short distance left until he reached his house deep in thought about what Naruto had said, walking up the 5 flights of stairs in a sort of thoughtful stupor. The idea that he really didn't have any friends plagued his mind ceaselessly, and when he finally lay down in his bed, he still couldn't get it off his mind.

Naruto was right. He did know everyone, every student, every parent, every colleague, and even Hokage-sama, but he couldn't call even one of them his 'friend.' Wow, that was depressing... He was usually so wrapped up in either teaching, or working the mission room, or training, or eating ramen with Naruto, that he hadn't ever realized this rather obvious fact. He kind of felt like a loser, a loser who had no friends but still ended up doing favors for almost everyone. Damn.

Since when was Naruto one to notice this sort of thing? Or has he just always been like this and I've not noticed it before...

He'd always been friendly with people around town, and he could name each of them on sight. His students trusted him and liked him, but teaching six-year-olds to run with pointy metal things was quite different from having a beer with some friends. The Hokage was more of a father-figure than anything else to him, just as Naruto was more of a little brother. He knew the teachers at school, and he talked with them all in the break room, and he knew every shinobi in Konoha from working in the mission room. And yet he still had no real friends.

Damnit, Naruto! I was having a good day up 'til now...

This left him, however, with a difficult question: How on Earth does a twenty-five-year-old chuunin go about 'making friends.' And with whom? The idea was pretty intimidating, now that he thought about it. He certainly couldn't just walk up to someone and say 'Hey, will you be my friend?' Or could he?... Nah, he'd sound either desperate, or like a five-year-old, and he was neither of which. Okay, maybe a little desperate, but he certainly wasn't going to advertise that.

He ran through a mental list of possible friends.

Izumo or Kotetsu? No, even though they were his age, he wasn't particularly fond of either of them.

Genma, then? Or maybe Namiashi Raidou? But they were jounin, way higher ranked than he was.

Sarutobi Asuma, Kurenai, or Anko? What about that big guy, Ibiki? No. Again, jounin, and he doubted they'd even acknowledge his existence, let alone make friends with him.

Uh... Maito Gai? No. Just... no.

That left him with... nobody. Except... Kakashi-sensei! No, Iruka, damnit, he's a jounin too, and an anti-social genius at that. No.

This left him with his self-esteem at rock bottom.

What was I thinking, nobody wants to be friends with me. I'm just Iruka-sensei, that nice teacher and the guy who always accepts the mission reports. Not a guy to hang out with, just another person to say 'hi' to in the village. Plus, does being friends mean I have to come out to the person, or what? Especially if it was a guy... That would be awkward... Damn, damn, damn... He didn't like having a problem like this that he couldn't solve...

Needless to say, it was quite a while before Iruka got any sleep that night.

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Something was bothering Kakashi, keeping him just as sleepless as Iruka that particular night.

Something new, unknown, foreign, something he wasn't quite sure how to deal with.

It had been bothering him for a week or so now, ever since he'd gotten that new team of his.

It was... weird.

It was different.

He wasn't sure exactly what to call it, but he was sure it fell somewhere within the descriptor of 'loneliness.'

He didn't like it. It scared him to think that he was having emotions like that. He had shut those all out, he was sure of it. He was cool, composed, brilliant, strong... there was no such thing as feelings like... 'loneliness.'

Yet here he was, perched on his roof, losing sleep over it.

He was sure it had set in after he'd first met his team. Maybe it was because they reminded him so damn much of his old team. Haruno Sakura, now she was just like Rin had been, always chasing after him, blind to anything Obito tried to tell her. Naruto, he was Obito reincarnated, with his optimism and hard-working attitude. And Sasuke was the mirror image of himself, acting cold, unfeeling, and with the strong belief in his surperiority to his teammates. Or, at least that was how his team had been in the beginning. He hoped that Team 7 would end up as tight as his old squad had been.

That was it. This new squad was reminding what it had felt like to have friends. To have someone to confide in, to talk to, to just hang around with. Someone to care even a little bit about you. He'd shut that out since his team had broken apart. And now, damn it, he was missing it.

Unfortunately, now, he was lacking even moreso in the social skills department than he had as a child. How did one even go about making friends? He didn't know, but now, he was strangely determined to find out, because this new 'loneliness' was eating away at him and he had to get rid of it at all costs.

He sighed, and ducked back inside his window, making his way to his bed. He lay awake for quite some while, unable to sleep at all, mixed thoughts of his new squad and his old one filling his mind. It was driving him absolutely insane.

Hn.

'Loneliness' sucked.

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...Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say

Chained to all the places that he never wished to stay

Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say

As he faced the sun he cast no shadow...


	2. Heropsychodreamer

A/N: Sheesh... Took me forever to find a song to write this chapter on... I mean, I have stuff lined up for every other chapter in the story, but not one for this one... But I heard this song on my MP3 player today and thought 'This song Kakashi.' This chapter is set during the timeskip, way later than the prologue, and I also go pretty AU in that it deviates horribly from the canon events that are seen in Shippuuden. So here it is. Enjoy.

Disclaimers: I don't own Naruto, nor any of the characters in it. I do not pretend to own Naruto. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery... right? As for the music, I do not own it either. It is all the property of the respective artists, and credit will gived in each chapter for each song.

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Chapter 1: Heropsychodreamer

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I'll kill you in my dreams

I turn the other cheek during the day

I'll kill you all

The subculture of my dreams

Is waiting for me to fall asleep

I know you're scared, you should be

I know you're scared

Hero

Dreamer

-Heropsychodreamer, by Live, (I don't own it...)

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There was blood on his face.

There was blood on his face and his mask was off.

These were the sole thoughts that ran through the exhausted nin's head as he doggedly ran for home. Not the fact that he'd just ended the lives of nine different people, including a few genin that shouldn't have been there in the first place, nor the fact that there was a kunai wound the size of Konoha bleeding in his shoulder. No, he was thinking, rather, about how on Earth they'd managed to get his mask off. And how did his face get covered in crimson, that he couldn't see but he sure as hell could feel?

Hn. Should probably wipe that off before it dries... That would be uncomfortable... Dried blood all over my face...

Some people would probably be disturbed by his lax attitude towards what he'd just done. Kills nine people within the space of a few minutes, and doesn't spare a second of thought about it?

He just called it dealing with the mental rigors of his chosen career path.

If he didn't keep his mind off the actual killing, he would be weak.

He wouldn't let himself be weak.

No, it wouldn't do at all to be weak.

He had too much physical strength to let it be wasted due to emotional weakness. The village needed him, his village needed him. Somebody had to be the one to give up their emotions and simply kill. Why shouldn't he do it? And he couldn't think of a better way to deal with the loss of his team than to not allow himself a closeness with anyone else. Nobody. He was alone. Because to not be alone would be weakness. And he couldn't have weakness. He was strong.

Although, for how strong he was supposed to be, he felt pretty damn tired at the moment...

Yeah, he would definitely have to do something about that blood on his face... And his mask. He needed a new mask, now.

Have to stop home before I turn in my report. Wash face. Drink water. Scribble down some semblance of a mission report so that Iruka didn't kill him.

Hn. Maybe he could get Iruka to go get a drink with him. Yeah. Drink sounds nice.

Oh, and do something about gaping wound in shoulder... That too.

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Later, with his face comfortably covered by a new mask, and with his face cleaned of its red spattering, Kakashi ambled down the now-quiet streets of Konoha, pretending to keep his face buried in the dog-eared, hideously orange book he held, but really keeping his senses alert to his surroundings. The book did nothing more than add a nice touch to his pretense of 'lazy pervertism' that he liked to project. Surprisingly enough, people left him alone even when it was clearly too dark to be reading anything. He was glad for it. He didn't like to be bothered with trivial problems. He liked to be left alone.

It still intrigued him to this day how one person had been brave (or stupid, he'd thought at the time, but he since knew better) enough to break through this carefully crafted facade. His students hadn't even really done that. Not Sasuke, with his dogged determination, nor Sakura, with her brains and curiousity, nor Naruto, with his general friendliness and happy attitude. None of them had done gotten to know the real Kakashi, but somehow, somehow, Umino Iruka had managed it.

Yeah, he still wasn't sure how the chuunin had done it, but he had. It was some combination of happy-go-luckiness, determination, cleverness, and Iruka's non-existent fear of Kakashi. That was what had thrown Kakashi for a loop at first. The chuunin simply could not be scared off. Icha Icha Paradise had not helped him. Nor had giving Iruka the cold-shoulder, ignoring him, nor had yelling at him and being a jerk. It was weird. Okay, so maybe he'd dropped his guard a bit due to his unconcious want for some company that he hadn't even really realized he had, but still... It still baffled him how Iruka had managed to work his way in past his callous exterior, horrible attitude, orange porn book, and everything else enough for Kakashi to, unwittingly, consider him a... friend.

He'd even tried his Sharingan out to make sure it wasn't a clever jutsu or something, something to create a skewed illusion of friendship in his head to mess with him, but no. Iruka was simply his... friend.

What confused him the most was how much he needed the friendship. He didn't want to need a friend. But he did, and he supposed Iruka was that little scrap of social contact that kept him human. Which he was grateful for, even though it confused him. 

Iruka didn't treat him like a higher-up. He didn't call him 'Kakashi-senpai' and bow to him everytime he saw him, avoiding eye contact and acting like Kakashi would blast their head off with a Raikiri if they said so much as looked at them. When Kakashi had discussed this with Iruka, his friend had pointed out that he did in fact act in a way that would scare people... Who knew?

But that was why Iruka was a good friend. He wasn't afraid to just talk to Kakashi like a normal person, about normal stuff. Not about missions, not about the political status of nations, just... normal stuff. Something that had happened in his class that day, or Gai-sensei's latest 'Act of Youthfullness.' It never failed to get him in a good mood and take his mind off the daily bloody combat he endured, talking with Iruka. Preferably over a glass of beer. Actually, almost always over a glass of beer.

Which was what he wanted right now, a big, tall beer, and a nice discussion about mundane, everyday incidents with Iruka.

He reached the Ninja Academy within a few more moments, his thoughts happily turned to the upcoming beer and time with his friend. Sticking the Icha Icha book back into his vest, he prepared himself and leapt up the few stories to the window in the missions office, landing gracefully in the sill despite his exhaustion and injured shoulder. With a happy smile that had come to be a rare sight on his face, he glanced around the room.

He did not expect to find the room in a total uproar. Laughter rang out from numerous voices, which Kakashi easily decided from the tones was not wholesome, happy laughter, but the cruel laughter of people whose amusement was at some other unfortunate person's expense. The smile vanished from his face and was replaced with pursed lips and narrowed eyes as he honed in on the mocking voice that cut through the laughter.

From what he could tell, it was Shiranui Genma, a fellow nin, who was in the middle of everything. At this time of night, the mission room was where most ninja ended up, turning in mission reports and hanging around to chat with their comrades. The Hokage was conspicuously absent from the room; she would have to be, Kakashi knew, in order for this kind of chaos to be ensuing. Tsunade wasn't known for her leniency, especially from what Iruka had relayed to him. The chuunin had quite a few stories about her, all of which were funny as hell, and all of which Tsunade would have Iruka hanged, drawn and quartered for relating them to him. It just went to show what a good friend Iruka was, risking his life to make him laugh.

Kakashi's eyes fell finally on Genma, who was in the middle of saying something, a nasty tone in his voice. He was directing his comments towards somebody seated behind the desk, but Kakashi's view was blocked by the chuckling nin that surrounded the unfortunate person.

Those ninja sure were lucky the elders and the Hokage were absent for the moment.

Kakashi's thoughts drifted a bit as he patiently waited for the chaos to end. Hn... Should I have beer, or maybe some sake later? Maybe I'll just get whatever Iruka's drinking. I sure hope he can get off his shift early so we can go for drinks... Maybe we'll shoot some pool too. Ah, but my shoulder is busted up...

Many more mundane thoughts drifted through his mind before he snapped to attention again when his ears caught the last bit of Genma's sentence.

"...eh, Iruka?"

Iruka? Where..? No, he couldn't... Iruka!

It struck him suddenly that the group of nin were clustered like wolves surrounding a freshly-dismembered deer right around Iruka's space at the desk.

For a moment he berated himself for being an ignorant idiot, but he quickly refocussed his energy into silent rage as he heard the next few words out of Genma's mouth and the mocking laughter that followed.

"...Can't believe I never noticed before, I mean, no girlfriend for 26 years? You'd have to be a damn fag. Must be why you've got that girly ponytail too, right, queer? What kinda man would wear his hair like that, anyways? Tch. A gay ninja, you ever heard anything like that before, guys? A gay fuckin' ninja. I sure as hell don't wanna go on a mission alone with him. Can you imagine that? Bet he'd try an' hit on me or som-"

He didn't finish the word.

Kakashi'd heard enough. Iruka was his friend. His sole friend. He'd decided a long time ago, when Iruka'd first told him what he was, that if Iruka could put up with Kakashi's attitude problem and social ineptitude, it sure as hell wasn't a problem if Iruka didn't like women. Hell, Kakashi himself hadn't ever had time to sit down and decide which way he swung anyways. He could be gay for all he knew. He didn't really care. That wasn't the issue here. The issue was that his only friend he had left in the world was being publicly humiliated right in front of him. And he was pissed. Really, really pissed. Furious. Livid. Ready to break someone's fucking neck.

He settled for bulling into Genma at full speed, cutting him off from his anti-gay tirade and gripping the collar of his uniform shirt. He slammed the unsuspecting nin into the nearest wall, grasping the shirt in a white-knuckle grip and pressing the fist that held the material into Genma's throat, causing the man to splutter and cough. Kakashi got right up in the man's face, trying not to lose control of his anger and kill the guy right there. 

Genma's eyes were wide. The expression would have been laughable if Kakashi hadn't been so dead serious. He wouldn't really hurt the man, of course, for want of not breaking the law and getting thrown in jail for assaulting a fellow shinobi. He didn't have to; the man would be dead a hundred times over in his dreams tonight, like usual. Oh, yes, the whole fucking group of them, laughing and embarrassing his friend. They would die bloody, painful deaths tonight, if only while he slept. That was enough for him. 

He spoke, rasping out his words in his "I'm warning you that I'm this close to fucking killing you, you bastard' voice that was famous for causing weaker enemies to faint out of fear before he could actually do anything to them.

"Listen up, punk. I don't like it when people insult my friends. Some fuckin' shinobi you are, havn't anything better to do than insult a guy that is very obviously ten times the ninja you'll ever be." The fist pressed harder against the throat threateningly. "Grow the fuck up, Shiranui. And if you say another word to him, I'll kill you, and I won't even bother to make it look like an accident."

He shoved the man once more for emphasis before turning and narrowing his eyes at the group of now very pale and very wide eyed ninja who'd been watching the proceedings. He took a step forward with a twisted grin on his face, milking his dangerous reputation for all it was worth, and the others scattered from the room, one of them stopping to pick up Genma off the ground and take him with them.

I may be socially inept, but I can sure as hell scare people when I feel like it, Kakashi thought.

His eyes finally came to fall on Iruka, who had stayed where he was. His face was flushed dark crimson, and he had a myriad of expressions all fighting for dominance on his face, like he was trying to look grateful, pissed, scared, embarrassed, and surprised all at the same time. Kakashi crossed the room to his side, putting a hand on his shoulder and looking at him worriedly. That was the only thing that ever worried him, knowing that people he cared for were in trouble. And did he ever get worried and agitated when they did.

He jumped back, slightly in shock, at the reaction he recieved for his troubles.

The hand was shrugged violently from its place on his friend's shoulder, and he felt himself knocked back a few inches as Iruka stormed past him. It was the voice that really cut him, though, angry, violent, barely below shouting. This wasn't the Iruka he was used to. What'd he done wrong...?

"I'm not fucking weak, Kakashi. I can take care of myself."

And with that, Iruka slammed out of the room, leaving a very confused Kakashi to stare after him, his eyes now wide with surprise.

Kakashi stood for about ten seconds before dashing after Iruka.

----------------------

He followed the chuunin through the village, down dark streets empty due to the late hour. His eyes had never left his quarry the whole walk, and he trailed a good thirty-five feet behind his friend. He paused when Iruka finally stopped; with a quick glance around, he realized they were in one of the few green park-like areas in the village. His eyes followed as Iruka stopped at the base of a rather tall tree and gave a small smile as the man began to lift himself up into the higher branches, an endearingly childlike act that he couldn't help but smile at. Even he had tended to do that as a child, climb into a tree and sit by himself if he was having a problem. It was a good escape.

Unfortunately, Iruka, you're not getting away that easy...

Kakashi contemplated using a teleportation jutsu to get himself up into the tree, but discarded the idea when he realized it might startle Iruka and make him fall. Nor could he climb into the tree himself, because both his chakra was low and his shoulder still ached. Hn. Just have to stand at the base and talk him into coming down.

Which could prove difficult, if he remembered the chuunin's extreme stubbornness.

All the same, he ambled to the base of the tree, looking up into the branches and at the lump of shadow that signified a person.

"Gomen-nasai, Iruka-san, but you're not getting rid of me that easily."

He grinned, even though he knew Iruka couldn't see the smile.

A sigh came from above him.

"Kakashi-san. I would really prefer to be left alone right now."

"Ah, see, but I can't just do that. I just got back from a mission, y'know. That means we need to go out for drinks. It's a rule."

"Please just go, Kakashi-san..."

"Nope. Not until you tell me what I did." Another hidden smile crossed his face.

"I don't need you to look out for me, Kakashi. Like you even said, I'm a perfectly capable ninja. I could've handled the situation just fine without you threatening Genma-kun."

Kakashi stood for a moment, debating.

"I'm coming up, alright?"

And with that, he performed the hand seals and appeared on a branch neighboring Iruka's, crouched cat-like, using his chakra to stabilize himself.

"So, Iruka, what your saying is that when my only friend in the whole goddamn world is being publicly ridiculed for what he is, that I'm supposed to just let that go? Sit there and watch you go through that kind of humiliation? Do you have any idea how much that pissed me off, seeing that? I was ready to kill someone."

Iruka didn't respond for a moment. Kakashi began to of what else he could say, trying very hard to keep his words sensitive and fighting the urge to yell at his friend for being so damn stubborn. But he heard Iruka draw in a shaky breath, as if to begin saying something. Iruka's voice trembled slightly, and he sniffed quietly before speaking. Had he been crying?

"I... I'm sorry, Kakashi. I over-reacted. It's just that my whole life I've been called weak, because I wasn't the smartest, or the strongest, or because I chose to teach rather than accept missions, and now for this... I'm so tired of it. I know you were only looking out for me, and I'm sorry I yelled. I was more mad at myself, I think... because I wasn't handling the situation. I was weak. I couldn't even stand up to them in there. I just sat there and took it..."

He stopped. Kakashi looked over at his face, slightly visible in the moonlight, and was not surprised to see a slight shine from the tears trailing his face silently. He did not think Iruka was weak for crying. He envied the man more than anything, because Iruka still had his emotions, he could still express them, something Kakashi'd all but lost over the years. Something he knew he still wanted, but knew he couldn't have.

He was unsure of what to do.

If I keep talking, I'm fairly sure something insensitive and assholish would come out of my mouth. I can't just sit here and watch him cry, though... Well, I guess actions speak louder than words, right?

He wasn't quite sure what compelled him to act as he did next.

Throwing away his inhibitions, bypassing his social barriers, just for a moment, he shifted over to the branch Iruka sat on and wrapped his arms around his friend, lending him his shoulder to cry on. Iruka stiffened at first, but within seconds he relaxed and shifted to lean against Kakashi's side. And he cried, a little less silently than before, burying his face in Kakashi's shoulder.

Maybe they both needed to be weak for a minute. Nobody else had to know.

They sat like that for what seemed like forever. And that was when the alarm bells began to toll across the still night that had fallen over Konoha.

-------------------

This attic of my mind

These feelings I can't hide

I can't share

I feel alone, ah yeah

The subconcious keeps me here

I fell in love with a balladeer

I saw your tongue, it licked my heart

They called you queer

Hero

Dreamer

Hero

They called you queer

-------------------

PLEASE REVIEW! I wanna hear what you think of it. If I can fix anything, let me know! 


	3. True Faith

A/N: Those of you who have been calling for Genma's blood lately, 'cause of what he said to Iruka, this is for you. This chapter doesn't end up so well for 'ole Genma... And for those of you who like Genma in this piece, you're messed up. 

...Don't take this to mean I don't like Genma... SOMEBODY had to be the bad guy, and he just drew the short straw today. He's also got a smirk on his face all the time that just kind of bugs me. He seemed to fit the part, is all. Please don't hate me, Genma-lovers!

Question, also... I have an idea for a Kakashi Iruka friendship piece, where they both play on a hockey team for their high school, with other guys like Asuma, Gai, etc... How many people would read it if I started writing it?

Disclaimer: Still don't own Naruto, or any songs/lyrics included here. I OWN NOTHING! I'm just borrowing.

----------------------------

Chapter 2: True Faith

---------------------------

When I was a very small boy,

Very small boys talked to me

Now that we've grown up together

They're afraid of what they see

That's the price that we all pay

Our valued destiny comes to nothing

I can't tell you where we're going

I guess there's just no way of knowing...

- True Faith, by New Order

--------------------------

Kakashi felt Iruka's head snap up to attention after the alarms began to ring, and Kakashi untangled his arms from around him. He crouched on the sturdy branch, fully alert, senses raised. Iruka too put his full attention on the sounding alarm.

As he listened, Kakashi felt the color start to drain from his face. He glanced over to Iruka with wide eyes, as if to reassure himself that he was not hearing things, that the alarm was indeed ringing in the specific pattern that it was. He was met with an expression similar to his own, and Iruka's face was a good ten shades paler than it's usual tanned color, the stark white skin standing out in the dim moonlight that washed over them both. The alarm continued, repeating the same pattern.

Bang...Bang-bang-bing...bong...bong...bong...

Both ninja in the tree were aware of what that pattern signified.

Enemy infiltration.

Kakashi sprang from the branch at once, gathering speed as he used that momentum to boost himself up onto the nearest rooftop and continue running from there. He heard the sound of Iruka's sandals on the roof-tiles right behind him. The sound of muttered cussing reached his ears in Iruka's voice, and he had to let himself smile a little.

"Fuck...God fucking damnit... Shit, shit, shit, shit..."

Hn. Didn't know Iruka swore that much...

Of course, it could just be the sudden stress they'd been thrown into... He doubted that it was because Iruka was truly scared of the situation, though. It seemed more to be that Iruka was worried out of his skull about the village's situation. Kakashi knew he sure as hell was. Enemy infiltration...

That could mean a number of things, but the scary thing is we don't know who the hell they are and what the hell they've done to warrant the raising of the alarm.

At least he could be sure Iruka was on his side.

Right?

Ok, Hatake, that's the last thing to be doing right now. Doubting you best friend and comrade at a time like this. He hasn't left your sight for an hour now, he couldn't be an enemy.

Of course, Kakashi's brain came up with a multitude of far-fetched scenarios and reasons why Iruka could, possibly, maybe, be an enemy nin. 

Kakashi very politely told his brain to shut up.

And he kept running.

---------------------

Within moments they were at the Hokage's tower. Ninja patrolled the entire outside of the building, making it look rather like an anthill that had just been stepped on by some cruel child with no morals. The Hokage herself was outside as well. Though Kakashi was sure there had been ninja trying to stop Tsunade from going outside and putting herself in harm's way like that, the Godaime possessed a stubborn streak to rival Iruka's. This was, to say, that there was no way in Hell you could stop her once she▓d made up her mind.

Kakashi and Iruka skidded to a halt before Tsunade, both breathless but neither very tired.

"Hokage-sama! Wha- what's going on?" Iruka panted out, sounding worried.

It took a moment before Tsunade responded, and Kakashi noted that she seemed to be looking him over carefully. He raised an eyebrow, and her scrutinizing eyes finally turned away to look up at the tower that loomed before them. A sigh escaped her lips.

"You two had better come with me."

Iruka shot him a confused look as she began to walk away. Kakashi raised his eyebrow again, this time clearly saying 'I have no clue either.'

What confused him more was the three ANBU agents she signaled to as she walked towards the tower, none of whom Kakashi recognized. He shrugged and followed as Tsunade had told them, and he heard Iruka do the same, right behind him as they walked. Kakashi stuffed his hands in his pockets despite the high-stress situation, slouching along in at a leisurely gait and with an easy stance, knowing very well that the image he projected was one of utter calm and collectedness. Even if he didn't quite feel that calm inside...

When the Hokage came to a stop inside the building, it was in front of a door that Kakashi knew well.

He wondered briefly why they were at one of the on-duty sleeping rooms that the tower housed, for those on duty who had a shift so shortly after the one they were on at the moment that they didn't want to bother going home, much like doctors on duty at hospitals.

He watched carefully as the Hokage opened the door, revealing a room bustling with activity for being as small as it was. That was an awful lot of ANBU in there... Too many. Way too many for it to be anything mild in nature...

They stepped inside and Iruka's sharp intake of breath was audible even over the noise of the room at the sight before them.

The first thing to be noticed was the crimson stain covering a lot of the floor space.

The second was the crowds of militant ANBU elite and special jounin that filled up the rest of the floor space that wasn't bloody.

The third, and probably most disturbing, was the array of corpses sprawled on the floor and propped against the far wall, limbs spread out around them, limp against the floor. 

He recognized some of the bodies.

Genma, for one, was lying, his throat ripped open, fully exposed to all in the room, blood trailing down his entire body and pooling about him.

Raido Namiashi, too, lay before them, a chest wound still dripping blood peeking out from the cloth folds of his shirt and flak vest.

The rest Kakashi was having a hard time recognizing, most of them chuunin and a few special jounin, about 5 in all. Each bore a bloody, deadly wound somewhere on their person. What the hell happened here...? Whoever did this is one sick bastard... Or an enemy nin whose paycheck is more important that the lives of men. Probably a mix of the two.

Kakashi heard Iruka's whispered "Kami-sama..." come from behind him.

He was so wrapped up in what he was seeing that he barely noticed when the ANBU behind Tsunade stepped forward towards him. So great was his astonishment at how an enemy had infiltrated deep enough into Konoha to do this kind of damage that when the two ANBU bodily dove at him and slammed him against the wall, he was caught completely off guard.

Before he could even react, they had his hands secured behind him with chakra-draining cuffs and were beginning to drag him towards the door. Naturally, he didn't plan on going quietly. No, that wouldn't do at all to go quietly.

"What the FUCK!? Tsunade, what the hell's going on? What right do you have to-"

"Please be silent, Hatake."

"No! Why the hell are you having me arrested! How the hell could I have done anything anyways? I was with Iruka all evening, he knows that!"

He turned his head to look at Iruka, who had a confused, angered expression on his face. When he spoke, it sounded like it took all his effort not to be disrespectful to his superior.

"Hokage-sama, why-"

"I shouldn't have to explain this to you two. After this evening's fiasco in mission room I should think it would be quite clear why I am having him arrested." A significant look was shot at Kakashi from the Godaime. "You threatened a comrade, Kakashi, in front of a room of other ninja. Threatened him with death. And now, he's dead. And I'm not supposed to suspect that you had something to do with it?!"

"Lady Tsunade, with all due respect," Kakashi heard Iruka cut in again. "Kakashi was out all evening with me after the... incident. I don't see any plausible way for him to have committed this crime."

"Umino, what proof do I have that he was with you? For all I know, you could have something to do with this as well! Are you looking to get chained up with him?"

"No, m'am, but it doesn't seem right at all to just arrest him! Innocent until proven guilty and all that?"

A sigh escaped the Hokage's lips as she looked them over, an almost guilty look on her face.

"You both have to understand. People will be calling for blood. They're going to be scared, and they need to know that we are at least trying to remedy the situation."

"So he's your temporary scapegoat, then?" It sounded to Kakashi that Iruka had given up any pretense of calmness at this point.

Another sigh.

"Frankly, I have no doubt that Kakashi-sensei is innocent. The best I can do is release him tomorrow, after I have Ibiki interrogate him. The soonest I can have him out is tomorrow morning. He'll have to spend tonight in a cell."

"This is so beyond the realm of morals, it's disgusting..." Kakashi muttered with gritted teeth. He was starting to feel pretty tired, though, from the constant chakra drain provided by the handcuffs.

"It's a delicate situation. That's all I can do."

Kakashi clenched his jaw and said nothing. He heard Iruka exhale deeply, apparently trying to calm himself down. Though it was something Kakashi admired in the man, he would admit that emotional was a dangerous thing to be when you were a shinobi. He wondered how long it had taken Iruka to suppress his emotions to the point of being able to handle death and the stress of the battlefield.

He took one more look at Iruka, giving him the smallest smile he could manage, before the guards took him out the door. He heard Tsunade speak.

"Umino, I need to speak with you..."

------------------------------------

There were many words Kakashi could have used to describe his jail cell, none of which were pleasant. It wasn't as if Kakashi had never spent a night or two in a jail cell. No, he'd seen many, many jails. They were all unpleasant, but this one so much more so. He wondered why. It wasn't too much different from the rest, physically. Maybe it was simply the mental baggage that came with this particular cell. The knowledge that he was pretty much betrayed by his own Kage, his superior officer. Betrayed. She'd locked him in here, alone, with no concrete evidence, not even a scrap of reasoning beyond 'It's the best I can do.'

No, it sure as hell wasn't. Not when Kakashi could be out there, helping find the actual enemy who did it.

The total unfairness was overwhelming, and after about half an hour of brooding about it, letting it stew inside of him, he couldn't take thinking about it anymore. It was unfair! It was immoral! Hell, it was against the goddamn law!

"Rrrr...argh! Ah...!" he vocalized as he punched his balled fist into the unforgiving stone of the cell wall. He recoiled in pain, though he now felt slightly better from taking out his frustration on the innocent stone bricks.

"Suicidal already, Kakashi-kun? Tsk, thought you had more will power than that..." The voice was familiar. So familiar. Warm and friendly, something along the lines of a tenor in its tone. He glanced at the bars to make sure he wasn't going insane after just a measly thirty minutes in captivity. A welcome sight greeted him from beyond the iron bars of his cell.

"Iruka?"

"No, it's Sakura, can't you tell, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi was silent for a moment, staring at the form beyond the bars blankly. Gee, her voice sure did get deeper...

"Of course it's me, I'm joking. How's prison life treating you?" It was asked with a laughing tone, and Kakashi felt the urge to scowl darkly at Iruka, but found he was just too happy to see him to be angry.

"Well, the food's okay, but my cellmate here," he began, gesturing to his obviously nonexistent cellmate, "gets kinda rough with me at times..."

Warm laughter graced his ears and he smiled, finding himself wondering vaguely since when Iruka's presence made him this happy?

"I'm sorry about this, Kakashi." The laughter had faded. "I tried convincing her to let you go a few more times, but she wouldn't budge." There was an actual tone of guilt in his voice.

"You're acting like it's your fault."

"It is."

"How the hell do you reason that?"

"You wouldn't be in this mess if I had been able to stand up for myself back there in the mission room..."

Kakashi stood and walked to the front of the cell, standing before Iruka and looking him in the eye. "I wish you'd stop blaming yourself for everything bad that's ever happened."

A slight laugh answered him. "Naruto tells me the same thing."

"Naruto's right." Kakashi dropped his voice into a serious tone, speaking earnestly. "You worry too much, Iruka."

"Sometimes it seems like I don't worry enough."

"You should try being lazy for a few days. Works for me!"

"What, and end up with a reputation for being a perverted, perpetually late, lazy bum?" His tone was falling back into the easy friendliness that Kakashi was so used to. Kakashi even felt himself relax unintentionally at the sound of his friend's laughter. He couldn't help but chuckle lightly along with him.

"Whoever said I was all of that?"

"Oh, you know, just the whole village..."

They laughed for awhile more, talking and joking with one another, and Kakashi felt the familiar comfort that he usually felt when he was out having a beer with Iruka coming over him. It was a nice feeling. He embraced it, rather than pushing it away as he normally tried to. He felt he could be content to talk with this man for the whole night over and not feel an ounce of stress. Eventually, however, Iruka stopped the conversation, yawning tiredly before continuing.

"Alright, Kakashi, I've really got to be going... First of all, I'm sure the guards would like the quiet, and second, I'm exhausted. I need to go home and sleep for a few hours. I'm sure you could use the sleep, too. You just got back from your mission, after all... Hn, guess we didn't get to go get drinks tonight after all..."

"No, I guess not..." Kakashi found it was not easy to hide the sudden disappointment he felt that Iruka would be leaving.

"Hey, I promise I'll be back first thing in the morning, as early as I can, okay?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, first thing."

"You'd do that?"

"That's what friends do, right? Plus, I still owe you one for this evening." He raised a hand in a wave and smiled at him. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, Kakashi. Get some sleep."

And with that, he disappeared down the dark stone corridor. Kakashi slumped onto the tiny cot in the corner of the cell. An unwanted feeling of emptiness had overtaken him, and he felt extremely... alone. He wished futilely for Iruka to come back, talk to him some more. He felt like a little kid, desperate for attention.

Damn it, he was Hatake Kakashi, the great Sharingan wielding copy-nin of Konohagakure, the Village Hidden in the Leaves! He wasn't supposed to feel anything! Especially not this goddamned loneliness!

Not that mental ranting was going to make that lonely void disappear.

He sighed and lay back on the sorry excuse for a bed, shutting his eyes tight and begging for sleep. Dreams weren't lonely, at least. Maybe Iruka would be there.

With a groan of frustration, he rolled over, unable to relax enough to let sleep overtake him.

Damnit.

Morning was not going to come fast enough.

---------------------------------

I feel so extraordinary

Something's got a hold on me

I get this feeling I'm in motion

A sudden sense of liberty

The chances are we've gone too far

You took my time and you took my money

Now I fear you've left me standing

In a world that's so demanding

I used to think that the day would never come

I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun

My morning sun is the drug that brings me near

To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear

I used to think that the day would never come

That my life would depend on the morning sun...

------------------------------------

There we go, finally. Chapter two. Took me long enough...

Chapter three should take much, much less time to get up. This one was just so inexplicably frickin hard to write!

Also: I have uploaded an online playlist of all of the music to be used in this fic. The link can be found in my profile, as well as a few new updates about my stories. I have a few more ideas up my sleeve for some AU fics... 


	4. Wonderwall

Chapter 3: Wonderwall 

Here's chapter three, finally. Again, sorry for any delays, but I've been painting my room and it was a helluva lot of work... took forever... But my computer's finally hooked back up and I was able to finish this chapter. This one ended up being a bit longer than usual. Enjoy.

And again, check out the playlist I put together (if you can get it to work on your computer; sometimes it doesn't). The link is in my profile.

And yes, this chapter is also based on an Oasis song. I like Oasis, and the song fit.

Okay, then, enough rambling... On with the story!

Disclaimer: I own nothig except the specific situations in this work. I especially don't own the song.

----------------------------------

Backbeat the word is on the street

That the fire in your heart is out

I'm sure that you've heard it all before

But you never really had a doubt

I don't believe that anybody feels

The way I do about you now

-Wonderwall, by Oasis, copyright to them.

-  
Kakashi awoke the next morning with a sore back and an even sorer ego. It wasn't much of a confidence booster to be locked in a cage like an animal. Especially when you'd done nothing to deserve such treatment. He sat up gingerly on the roughly-built cot, stretching his limbs in a cat-like fashion.

Ouch.

His back cracked painfully with the movement, and his head pounded due to a slight case of dehydration. Kami, get me outta this hell...

"Kakashi? You awake yet?"

Or send Iruka, that works too.

A grin spread across his face at the sound. So he wasn't lying last night, was he? He really was gonna come here first thing...

Ignoring the pain in his back, he sprang off the cot and walked to the bars of his cell. Walked was really a relative term, though. Kakashi thought he might describe his motion, upon looking back at it, as something between a carefree slouch and a hurried dash whose urgency was trying to remain hidden but which showed anyways.

Iruka met him at the bars, a small smile on his face and a hand raised in greeting.

" 'Morning, Kakashi."

"Hey!"

Hm... That might have sounded just a little bit too enthusiastic... Iruka didn't seem to notice, however, and continued speaking.

"I talked to Hokage-sama this morning. After she got over the fact that I was bothering her at five o'clock in the morning, she told me that Ibiki-san was scheduled to question you at nine o'clock."

It just went to show how fucked up shinobi life was that Ibiki had scheduled interrogations.

"Great... What time is it?"

Kakashi made a serious effort not to sound as enthused as before.

"It's seven-thirty. You've still got awhile."

"Oh. Damn."

"Yeah, well... I did bring you some breakfast."

It was just then that Kakashi noticed the brown paper bag that Iruka held at his side. Iruka continued.

"Normally, I'd imagine that they would object to me feeding one of their prisoners pastries in the morning, but I think, considering the circumstances, they might make an exception..."

Hang on. Did I hear correctly? He has... pastries...

Kakashi's hand darted out instinctively, and Iruka chuckled, handing him the bag through the bars.

"You can have all of them. I already ate."

Bag in hand and grin on face, Kakashi dropped to the ground, sitting cross-legged on the cold floor. He turned his back to Iruka, not to be rude, but so that he could take off his mask to eat.

Iruka, of course, would understand. He always did.

Kakashi tore into the bag with ferocious hunger; he had, after all, just gotten back from his mission last night and was now realizing that he hadn't had a bite to eat since his last energy bar nearly twelve hours ago.

He wondered briefly how Iruka had know that his favorite food was raspberry danish before stuffing his mouth full. He made a contented sound something between 'mmm' and 'ahh' and ate for a good ten minutes before finally slowing to the point where he could speak between bites.

"Iruka, you are a savior sent by the great Kami... How the hell did you know I love danish?"

"I dunno. You just seemed like a danish kind of person."

Kakashi did notice the stifled laughter coming from Iruka's direction but said nothing. He was hungry, and didn't care if it was amusing to an onlooker to watch him eat.

Finally, he crumpled the now empty bag, pulled his mask up and turned around. Iruka was now seated as well, leaning his arms on his knees. He had a small smile on his face that looked suspiciously like a smirk.

"What's so funny?"

Kakashi already knew the answer, of course.

Or, at least, he thought his did. Iruka was simply amused by how fast he'd eaten...right?

Iruka burst out laughing, raising a hand and gesturing to Kakashi's head, unable to control his uproarious laughter.

"You... you've got... raspberry... on your forehead...!"

---------------------------

The interrogation with Ibiki was not a picnic, to say the very least. Ibiki had this uncanny ability to make even he, Hatake Kakashi, shrink back in fear like some weakling civilian under attack by a rabid squirrel.

It started with Ibiki being nice, so nice, that it gave Kakashi the strange vibe that the niceness was not going to last much longer. And it didn't. As soon as Kakashi so much as sank back into the chair, the interrogator's eyes narrowed and his gaze sharpened, focusing right into Kakashi's visible eye.

The effect was unsettling, at best.

Kakashi really didn't like feeling uncomfortable like that.

They had even confiscated his Icha Icha, so he couldn't even comfort himself with that.

It seemed, however, that Kakashi ended up saying all the right things, and was released without much more hassle, and a heartfelt apology from the Hokage, who also told him with a smirk that Iruka was waiting for him outside.

Kakashi wondered why she was smirking like that. He'd had enought unsettling looks for today, thank you very much.

Iruka was, in fact, waiting outside, leaning up against the side of the building with what looked like a worried expression on his face.

It never ceased to surprise Kakashi why anyone would bother worrying about him. But Iruka always did, and for some reason, it felt pretty damn good.

He walked over, and upon hearing the footsteps, light as they were, Iruka turned to face him with a grin spreading across his expressive features.

"Yo." Kakashi raised a hand in casual greeting.

"Hey! How's it feel to be outta there, finally?"

"Maa, it was only a day, 'Ruka-san. I'm fine."

Althought there was a strange tiredness seeming to plague him all of a sudden.

"You look exhausted, Kakashi-sensei."

"So do you," he countered.

Iruka rolled his eyes and smiled. Kakashi felt something weird, deep in his stomach, at seeing Iruka's smile again, even though it'd only been a few hours since they last met. The feeling confused him, and he shrugged it off in order to avoid looking like an idiot. He slouched over to Iruka's side and joined him in leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets.

"Hungry?" Iruka suddenly spoke, breaking the slightly awkward silence that had fallen.

"Uh, yeah, I guess... The danish is starting to wear off..."

That must be where the tiredness is coming from, then... Hunger.

"Come on. We'll go get ramen."

Kakashi shook his head and chuckled. Iruka and Naruto really were two of a kind. But he followed Iruka away from the Hokage's tower and towards the Ichiraku ramen stand anyways.

He was feeling really, really tired all of a sudden, though...

Really tired.

It almost felt like...

He stumbled abruptly, and the ground rushed up to meet him. Great, real graceful for a famed jounin. Real smooth. The world started to black out on him.

Ah, that was where he knew the feeling from.

Chakra depletion.

-------------------------------------------

Upon waking, Kakashi found himself in a strange bed.

Which, naturally, caused him to tense up and reach for a kunai, because he was ninja and waking up in a strange bed was rarely a good thing when one follows that career path.

He was completely ready to spring from the bed, ready for action, with kunai in hand and with killing intent that was liable to get him out of practically any situation.

But he soon found that springing anywhere was very out of the question, seeing as how he couldn't barely move his body. Oh, yeah. The chakra depletion... Must have been from those handcuffs being on all night. In any case, he wasn't going anywhere fast. He decided to just take it slow, and began to sit up gingerly.

After taking a moment to clear his vision after the blood had rushed away from his head from sitting up, Kakashi took a look around at his surroundings. The room was that of a typical nin's home, sparse and conventional, with little decoration to speak of. In fact, Kakashi would have taken it for his own had it not lacked the smell of dog hair and dust that his apartment had. Rather, this particular living space smelled clean and homey, and very, very familiar. He just couldn't place the smell...

He dragged himself out of the bed and out of the tiny bedroom, finding himself in the modest kitchen of the apartment. Here, he saw only more cleanliness, although there were a few pictures hanging on the walls and a couple of stacks of papers on the small table.

Kakashi was already starting to get a pretty good idea of who the apartment belonged to.

One, it was really clean.

Two, there were school papers on the table, ungraded.

Three, there were pictures of Naruto, and a genin team that contained a very familiar looking young ninja, with a brown ponytail and a mischievous grin spread across his tanned-looking, scarred face.

But perhaps the biggest clue that he was in Iruka's apartment was that the whole damn place smelled exactly like him. It was actually really comforting for Kakashi to be around. Relaxing, almost. It felt like he should be here, like a real home. But, of course, he didn't live here, and he was sure Iruka didn't want him to hang around too long...

Where was Iruka, anyways?...

Kakashi took one more glance around the extent of the room. He could see no one, and the bathroom door was open and the room dark inside. Oh, yeah, it was Friday. Iruka had afternoon classes to teach today.

Wait, didn't that mean... If it were Friday, Kakashi himself was... he glanced at the clock... five and a half hours late to train his team!

Oh, man Sakura was going to have a...

Oh.

Yeah.

He didn't have a team anymore.

Exhaling tiredly, Kakashi sank into a kitchen chair for a moment and clunked his head down on the hardwood surface of the table. He sat like that until his neck started to ache, and then sat up, looking across the table he sat at, it's surface near gleaming with cleanliness. Man, Iruka really was as neat as he always looked. Or maybe he was just never home...

A piece of paper he hadn't noticed before lay at the edge of the table, and Kakashi could see writing running up and down the sheet in neat kanji. He reached over and grabbed the sheet, bringing it closer so that he could read it.

Kakashi-san,

I had class today. I'll be back by three, I get off early on Friday afternoons. If you get this note, please stay put! You're in no shape to be walking anywhere right now. Get some rest, and I'll bring you something to eat when I get home.

-Iruka

He decided to do as he was told; Iruka did promise him dinner if he stayed... And he couldn't pretend his friend wasn't right; he was barely able to stand up straight, let alone walk all the way home by himself.

WIth a small smile on his face, he made his way to the bedroom (Iruka, like himself, seemed to be lacking a couch), and fell back on the futon, making himself comfortable and falling asleep almost instantly.

----------------------------------

Again, his reaction upon waking up in the strange bed was that of any good ninja, but this time his anxiety was short-lived and soon replaced by a feeling of comfort and relaxation.

After yawning and stretching in a way reminiscent of a cat, Kakashi dragged himself out of the comfortable bed and headed out of the room for the second time that day. He could faintly hear the scratching of a pen on paper coming from the kitchen; Iruka was home. He grinned despite himself.

Iruka was indeed seated at the kitchen table as Kakashi meandered sleepily in. He saw the table, littered with papers, some with red marks and others that had yet to be read over by Iruka. There were take-out containers stacked at one end, as well. Ramen, by the looks of it.

Kami, is that all the man eats? And I wondered where Naruto picked that little habit up from...

"Yo," he greeted, smiling beneath the mask that was still in place.

"Finally awake, I see." Iruka turned in his chair and laid down the red pen he'd been using. He gave Kakashi a small smile.

"Apparently I was suffering from chakra depletion..."

"And you of all people should know better than to ignore the symptoms when you feel them."

Uh oh.

Kakashi knew that tone.

It was Iruka's 'I'm the teacher, so you better well listen to me or else...' voice. It was scary. Kakashi did not like it.

He paled, and shrank back into the doorframe a little.

"I, uh... Well, I..."

"Whatever. Just come over here and eat something, okay?"

Kakashi grinned sheepishly and sat himself down in a chair. Iruka handed him a container and some chopsticks, which he ripped open and snapped apart eagerly. The foam package held a steaming portion of chicken ramen, which happened to be his favorite kind.

Is that man psychic or something? He knows everything I like... I kinda feel bad, like I don't know him at all, comparitively...

Kakashi decided that it didn't really matter, however, when his stomach told him that if he didn't eat that ramen right now, he just might pass out from hunger. He turned in his chair and yanked down his mask, beginning to eat ravenously from the steaming container. He heard Iruka eating behind him.

Probably pork ramen.

...Hey, I guess I do know something about Iruka after all...

He then decided that it was pretty pathetic that the only thing he really knew about Iruka, personally, was that he liked pork ramen best.

He also decided that he would like to get to know more about him, ASAP.

Because, for some reason, Kakashi felt happier around Iruka. Happy, carefree, calm, relaxed. He found himself wanting to see the man every chance he got. He missed him when he was not there with him.

That had to mean something. And Kakashi wanted to know what.

-----------------------------------

After they'd finished the ramen, Kakashi glanced over at the clock and decided that it was about time he got heading home. Iruka insisted on seeing him home, claiming that in his condidtion, he shouldn't even be walking anywhere by himself. Kakashi, of course, did not complain. Any extra time with Iruka was good, in his opinion, though he still hadn't quite figured out why that was.

But he would. He was Hatake Kakashi, after all, legendary ninja. There was NOTHING he couldn't do!

Except interact socially... Which may prove to be an issue here...

They walked side by side, now, down one of the more crowded streets in Konoha, due mostly to the time; five o'clock happened to be 'rush hour' in the village. Kakashi's gait was a bit slower than usual, which was saying something since he usually meandered calmly, in no sort of rush whatsoever. Iruka kept pace with him, watching him carefully out of the corner of his eye, probably searching for any signs of collapse or something.

Kakashi couldn't really blame him; he had, after all, collapsed on him earlier that day... He shuddered at the embarrassing memory.

As they were passing through a particularly crowded area of the street, a ninja, probably chuunin, brushed none-to-gently past Iruka, and Kakashi clearly heard his muttered "Watch it, fag." Kakashi narrowed his eyes in anger, but Iruka shot him a sideways look that clearly said 'Leave it alone.' He obeyed, though not happily.

Iruka seemed to be trying to ignore the problem and act mature about it. Iruka's shoulders straightened and he held his head high, not slouching in the least and making full use of his height and size, both of which were fairly formidable, so as to seem unaffected by the jibes.

That would be how Iruka would respond, now that Kakashi thought about it. He would face it rationally and maturely, even though neither were going to make the jeers go away.

The incident repeated itself several more times that evening, happening so often that Kakashi had to wonder just how many people had heard about the mission room incident. It seemed like half the village had already spread the news around.

The next time that Iruka was insulted openly, however, it was by a group of about three chuunin, all of whom smirked and jeered at him cruelly. Iruka's tough resolve seemed to finally start to falter, his cheeks gaining color and his shoulders slouching down a bit at the remarks. Kakashi saw it all, and couldn't do nothing any longer. He tossed a friendly about Iruka's shoulders, and he shot the darkest glare he could manage at the group. They shut up almost immediately after that.

Kakashi smiled.

He liked his reputation.

But he'd just now decided that what he liked even better than his reputation was being close to Iruka like this. Even if it was just a casual arm about the shoulders, a normal action for two friends such as they, he enjoyed it even more than just talking to Iruka, and that was saying something. For something to make him happier than talking to Iruka, it had to be pretty good, because nothing else had managed to do it yet.

He kept his arm there, and was happy to see that Iruka made no motion to move away from it.

Kakashi thought that, maybe, he was starting to understand just what it was that made him like being around Iruka so much.

And he really liked the conclusion he was coming to.

He wanted to say something to Iruka, but found himself not able to find the words.

He remained silent for the remainder of the walk.

And later that evening, was cursing himself for doing so.

Damn social ineptitude...

----------------------------

And all the roads we have to walk are winding

And all the lights that lead us there are blinding

There are many things that I would

Like to say to you

But I don't know how

Because maybe

You're gonna be the one that saves me?

And after all

You're my Wonderwall

----------------------------

That's chapter three for you! Hehe... Kakashi is so clueless sometimes...

Please review! I've been seeing a lot of alerts and favs for this story, but I only got two reviews for the last chapter. Please, if you like it enough to fav or alert it, drop me a line! I wanna hear what you liked/hated about it!

Next chapter: Chasing Cars


	5. Chasing Cars

Chapter 4: Chasing Cars

Thanks to all those who reviewed!

To Leo: Sorry if it was a little unclear; Kakashi was upset that he wasn't able to find the words to talk to Iruka, not because he put his arm around his shoulders. And yes, I do plan on finishing this sucker... I'm already this far in, why stop now? Although updates may be coming a bit slower due to schoolwork.

A note about the village's homophobia in this piece: The reasoning behind the extreme prejudice that Iruka faces here is that I know a few people who are gay, and especially at school, they are treated with the same kind of contempt as this a lot of the time. One actually happens to be my German teacher, a man I really respect and like, and who really reminds me a lot of Iruka. Even though he is gay, his students all respect him greatly because he is an excellent teacher, and a great guy. He is the inspiration for parts of this chapter, coincidentally, you'll see why. Also, I read way too many fics where homosexuality is totally accepted, and while I like those fics, I thought it might put a different spin on this one if it were to be an obstacle for Iruka to overcome (Kakashi too, eventually.)

Thanks, and here's the chapter:

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Especially not the song.

----------------------------

I don't quite know

How to say

How I feel

Those three words

Are said too much

They're not enough

-Chasing Cars, by Snow Patrol, copyright them.

--------------------------

Kakashi was most definitely NOT stalking Iruka.

Or, at least, that was what he told himself. No, he was, rather, simply sitting in the tree next to the academy because he'd finished his training for the day and wanted to enjoy the nice weather. Yes, his sitting in the tree had nothing to do with the fact that Iruka was just beginning to teach his 4-hour Saturday class right inside the classroom closest to him. It also had nothing to do with the fact that Kakashi just happened to be able to see right into the windows of the room.

No, Kakashi was not stalking Iruka.

Simply watching him.

All the time.

Okay, so I am stalking him. I'll admit it to myself...

But it wasn't creepy stalking! No, it was just his way of trying to get to know Iruka better. That was his plan. Kakashi figured that if he knew Iruka's personality better, he'd be able to figure out why the man had the effect on him that he did. So far it hadn't resulted in much, but Kakashi wasn't the kind of person to give in easily.

His attention snapped back to Iruka when he noticed the first students starting to enter the classroom, all smiley and six-year-old-y. Kakashi had to shudder slightly to himself at the thought of dealing with the little hellions. Sure, he'd been able to put up with his genin team, but it had taken him forever to even warm up to them. He knew for a fact that a classroom full of six-year-olds would spell his certain (and swift) demise. That was one of the many reasons that Kakashi did not teach young children. There were more, of course, one of which being that the Hokage did not trust an erotica-reading, lazy-assed jounin to be responsible with a classroom of impressionable youngsters.

All of this was okay with Kakashi, however, since he could stalk Iruka quite well enough without being within ten feet of the actual kids.

He simply masked his chakra signature, and lounged comfortably whilst listening and watching Iruka work through one of the many open windows of the classroom. More children were filing into the room, though one young boy with wild, spiky hair and a grin perpetually fixed to his face, stopped up at the front of the room before Iruka. The teacher looked a bit surprised when he looked up from his desk at the boy standing there.

"Did you need something, Hiro-kun?"

Kakashi felt the familiar flip of his stomach at the warm-sounding voice. Why did it keep doing that!?

"My dad told me last night that you were a bad person, Iruka-sensei... He said it was 'cause you like other men..."

Iruka sat stock still for a second, though Kakashi could see the barely contained rage flicker on his face. It was a moment before Iruka could even murmur out a gentle reply to the boy's statement.

"Hiro-kun, do you think I'm a bad person?"

Kakashi felt something stir inside him at the hurt tone in Iruka's voice. The man was strong; Kakashi knew that. But it seemed like the thought of his students judging him like everyone else did seemed to nearly break him, and Kakashi knew that his friend was fuming inside after hearing that it was the student's parent who was perpetuating the judgment.

For some reason, Kakashi had the urge to just go in there and hug Iruka. This was a weird urge for him, because the thought of physical contact with anyone usually freaked him out. He just was not the huggy-touchy-feely kind of person. But with Iruka, it was different. Not only would he not mind the contact, he would instigate it himself. That was certainly a new thought... He stayed put, however, when he realized that a hug was probably not the best solution to this problem... in fact, it would probably make matters worse...

"Uh uh, Iruka-sensei. You're the best teacher we've ever had! But... Why'd my dad say that?"

Iruka rubbed the back of his neck thoughtfully, but before he could answer, he was assailed by outbursts from the rest of the class.

"Yeah! My mom said the same thing last night!"

"Why is everybody saying that, Iruka-sensei?"

"I don't think you're a bad person, sensei!"

Kakashi smiled, relieved. He should've known; kids were bound to be open-minded at that young of an age, and if Iruka was as good a teacher as they seemed to think, it was no surprise that they would rally behind him rather than blindly believe what they're parents told them.

And Kakashi found himself as impressed as he could possibly be at how Iruka handled all the questions. The mob of now agitated and curious kids gathered around his desk as he explained the situation, deftly translating the entire situation into six-year-old's terms that they could understand, giving them both sides of the story but making sure to really put emphasis on the fact that it was not as bad as everyone said for him to be gay. He made sure they understood that he was in no way abnormal, or immoral, or a 'bad person' because of his sexual preference.

Kakashi smiled as he saw that the kids nodded at what Iruka told them. Well, that was at least one point in the little ones' favor.

Damn straight he's not a 'bad person!'

It was almost heartwrenchingly sweet, what happened next. He looked back through the window to see a mob of kids all grouped around Iruka, the closest ones hugging his waist and beaming, while those further back crowded closer with grinning faces and calling out words of praise and adoration for their sensei, who was now standing there with flushed cheeks and a grin a mile wide across his face. His face reminded Kakashi of how he had looked when, so long ago, Kakashi had told him that Naruto considered him his hero. That Naruto wanted to be like him, be as strong as him. It was a look of mixed pride and joy, one similar to that of a father whose child had just said that he wanted to be just like him.

Okay, so that was two points for the little monsters now... The situation almost... almost... made him sort-of, maybe a little bit, like kids. Maybe. Like might still be pushing it a little. He did respect them more, though. Even though they were so young, it still took some kind of courage to rally behind someone that the whole village, including their own parents, was discriminating against.

As Kakashi continued to view the scene before him, he couldn't remember a time where he had felt this warm inside. And again he smiled.

------------------------------------

He waited for Iruka outside the academy.

By the time the teacher made it out the doors, it was nearing on five in the afternoon, and Kakashi was getting hungry. Perfect. There was no way Iruka would turn down an offer for free ramen. And as it turned out, Iruka stalking was a helluva lot more fun when Kakashi could actually talk to the man.

Kakashi was starting to get a clearer picture of exactly what it was about Iruka that made him get all... weird.

It was everything.

He was finding that the more the thought about it, the more he was realizing that there was way more to his feelings for Iruka than just a deep friendship.

Everything about Iruka made him happy. His smile, his laugh, the flush that always seemed to spread across his face, and the embarrassed sort of grin that inevitably accompanied it. His obsession with ramen, his care for each and every one of his students. The strength that Kakashi knew he posessed, but that he kept so carefully hidden. The way he seemed to know how to deal with every single situation that appeared before him. The way he still kept his dignity even when his world had turned on him.

All of it seemed to affect him more than anything ever had before.

Slowly, social handicap or not, Kakashi was beginning to understand.

In a way, it kind of freaked him out to think that after so many years of carefully walling himself away, that he might just break them all down and let someone in.

But in another way, he wanted it so badly. He wanted the contact, the (dare he even think it?)... love... that he'd never experienced before. Most of all, he wanted to just be closer to Iruka. It was normal, he assured himself, to want to be closer to somebody who made you feel so damn happy, right? It had to be a normal reaction.

Hn... I guess I am gay after all...

He was broken from his thoughts by familiar-sounding footsteps moving near him. A grin broke out beneath the mask.

Okay, keep your cool, Hatake... Don't blow it! Confession time can wait until later... don't do anything stupid.

"Yo."

His brain sighed in his skull. You could've done better than THAT at least...

Kakashi didn't know exactly what to tell his mind.

Uh, sorry?

"Hey, what're you doing here? Shouldn't you be out on a mission or something?"

Kakashi stuck his tongue out at his mind. Hah! He didn't do much better!

Yes, but he's not trying to win anybody over. You are.

Oh, yeah... Forgot that little detail...

Kakashi stopped having a mental conversation with himself promptly and began to have a real one with Iruka, who stood before him, looking a bit tired, but happier than usual. Which, of course, made Kakashi himself even happier.

"Nah, I'm taking a break for a few days. Need some time off for a few days."

That's it, calm, normal...

"Ah, okay. And... why're you waiting outside the academy?"

BECAUSE I'M FUCKING IN LOVE WITH YOU!

"Uh, well... I... uh..."

Damn it , damn it, damn it... SAY SOMETHING!

"Wanna go get some ramen?"

Iruka raised an eyebrow at him, an expression of disbelief apparent.

"Alright... I guess... But only if you tell me what's got you all nervous."

YOU, DAMNIT!

"Ah... yeah, okay then. Let's go."

He began walking down the road, hearing Iruka follow. He didn't see Iruka follow because he was too busy slouching and watching his feet as he walked, hiding his face. Of course, he had his mask on, but the black cloth could only disguise so much emotion. Something would have inevitably leaked through had he kept looking at the man beside him.

Kakashi sighed mentally. This wasn't like him at all. On the battlefield he was quick, decisive, always a step ahead. In battle he was strong, mighty, a force to be reckoned with! Hatake Kakashi, Sharingan Kakashi, master of a thousand jutsu, unbeatable, indestructable!

But here he was, being reduced to a stuttering mess by something as simple as emotions.

Wait.

What was he saying?! Emotions weren't simple! Not for him, at least.

Ah, damn it all to hell...

"Iruka, there's something I wanted to ask you."

The chuunin glanced over at him, eyebrow raised again in curiousity.

"Yeah?"

"Would you..."

Come on, almost there... You can do it, Hatake!

"Would you... help me with my training a bit after we eat?"

DAMN. IT.

Kami, you're hopeless, Kakashi...

"Uh, I don't know if I'd be much help... But I guess I could for a little while..."

"Of course you'll be helpful. I just wanted to work on some chakra control, is all."

Lie, lie, lie... I WANTED to ask you out, but seeing as how I'm a total emotional wreck and a coward to boot...

"Alright. I can do that."

"Arigatou..."

---------------------------------

During dinner, they spoke with Shizune, who was there apparently to get Tsunade something to eat ("She's left all of her paperwork til the last minute, again!), and was waiting for her food to be ready. Iruka asked her about the investigation going on about Genma and the other's murders. She told them that the ANBU squads had been working day and night, but had only managed to scrounge up a few bloody pawprints near the crime scene. They led for a few feet, then disappeared, and the ANBU had been left with a cold trail. Iruka sounded a little worried that they hadn't found the attackers yet, and Shizune seemed to return the sentiment.

Kakashi remained silent, listening. He felt too mixed up to be any good in a conversation anyways.

Shizune eventually left with her food, and he and Iruka were left alone. They ate in silence, with Iruka apparently sensing Kakashi's sudden quiet mood and not pushing him to speak.

Soon enough, they were on their way to the training ground that Kakashi frequented most often, the one near the Memorial stone. Kakashi headed out onto the grass, but Iruka jogged after him and Kakashi felt a strong hand tug on his arm.

"Hey. We're not training until you tell me what's bothering you."

Another tug on his arm led him towards a gnarled old tree that stood at the fringes of the training area. He followed dutifuly, flopping down on his back at the base of the tree next to Iruka when they got there.

"So. What's up? You were fine when I met you outside the school, but all of a sudden you got quiet and didn't say anything the rest of the night. When you did talk, you were nervous. What's the matter? Did I do something?"

NO! Kami, no, don't start blaming yourself again, Iruka...

"N-no, no, it's nothing like that..."

Well, kind of... More like the fact that you exist, and I'm falling in love with you...

"Then what's the problem?"

Uh oh... Teacher-voice again... The less-stern teacher-voice, but the voice all the same...

"It's nothing, I'm just... tired."

"Tired? And yet you ask me to come here and train with you?"

"Uh... yeah?"

Wow. That was lame, Kakashi, even by your standards...

"Will you please just tell me what's the matter?" His voice wasn't exasperated or frustrated, nor was it begging or pleading him to tell him. It was full of concern, and Kakashi found his heart melting right inside his chest at the sound.

Kami-sama, even his voice just makes me fall apart...

"Iruka, it's nothing, really..."

Liar. It totally is something! Something huge! Just say it, god damn it!

"Kakashi."

He looked to the side to see Iruka raising himself up on an elbow and staring right into his visible eye.

"I swear to you that whatever it is, I will not think less of you for it. You have my word on that."

Are you really sure about that, Iruka?

Kakashi found himself looking back into Iruka's eyes, a strange moment of connection between them that made something click within him. Something about the way Iruka's deep brown eyes seemed so sincere, so definitely sincere, made his resolve strengthen somehow. He raised himself up level with Iruka, knowing that it was now or never.

"Alright," he mumbled and moved closer to him. Before he could even think a third time about what he was doing, he pulled down his mask and brushed his lips up against Iruka's, lightly, asking silently in the only way he knew how to communicate precisely to the man how he felt. He opened his eyes slowly, seeing that familiar flush on Iruka's face even in the dusky half-light of early evening, but also seeing the new shine in the eyes, the shine that he knew meant he should keep going.

Before he could even do that, however, Iruka had already brought their lips together, gently moving his against Kakashi's, so innocent, yet so deeply emotional that it made Kakashi respond in a similar fashion. He lost count of the time that they kissed, but he knew only that he would never, ever forget this moment, not for his entire existance. He memorized every delicious second of it, engraving it deep in his brain, never to be forgotten.

He lowered his body gently back down until it was again flush with the ground, and he felt Iruka move with him. Their arms wound around each other, both trying to bring the other closer as they lay together.

Too soon it was over.

Iruka eventually pulled back, albeit only slightly, drawing in a few breaths before murmurring onto his lips.

"So that was what you wanted to tell me...?"

"Mm... something like that..."

Iruka chuckled, a low rumble that rose from his chest, and Kakashi smiled softly onto Iruka's lips before kissing him again, deeper this time, pulling Iruka closer still. He relished the warm body, the strong muscles that rippled with every movement, the quick-beating heart, the smell, the taste, the everything that he held so tightly in his arms.

Kakashi now understood perfectly the feelings he had been trying so hard to decipher.

And he found himself very, very happy indeed with the conclusion he had finally come to.

----------------------------------

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am

All that I ever was

Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where

Confused about how, as well

Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

----------------------------------

So, Kakashi finally understands... But don't get too happy, folks, 'cause this story tends to keep going from real happy, to real sad really fast as I write it. Be prepared for some angst next chapter; don't know what I mean, just check out the lyrics to the next song, The Scientist, by Coldplay. Which, coincidentally, is the next chapter! Who'd have thought?

Don't forget to review if you a) liked it, b) hated it, or c) all of the above! Just review, whatever you do! If I'm doing well, tell me. If it sucks, tell me what exactly is so sucky about it! Just tell me SOMETHING! Reviews also may make chapters appear more quickly here...

Next Chapter: The Scientist 


	6. The Scientist

Chapter 5: The Scientist

And so the angsty stuff begins...

I promise I won't make it too angsty though... That gets old really fast... But I heard the song, and it just screamed: ANGSTY! Anyways... Thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter, and hope you keep reading more as I write it.

Disclaimer: I own neither Naruto, copyright Masashi Kishimoto, nor the song lyrics, which are copyright Coldplay. Please sue me not...

-------------------------------

Come up to meet you

Tell you I'm sorry

You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you

Tell you I need you

Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets

And ask me your questions

Oh let's go back to the start

Runnin' in circles

Callin' it tails

Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy

It's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh take me back to the start

-The Scientist, by Coldplay, copyright to them.

-------------------------------------

There'd been another death.

It'd been Anko this time, found with her stomach opened to the world on the floor of her house, eyes gaping and kunai in hand. She'd gone down fighting; she'd always been a fighter, after all.

Ibiki had found her.

And it had been enough to finally break the man.

Kakashi could see the hunched form of the once-emotionless interrogator, on his knees before the coffin poised to be lowered into the ground.

Ibiki Morino sobbed. It was heart-wrenching to listen to, even for Kakashi. But he found himself nevertheless drawn to stare into Ibiki's back rather than at the kunoichi who now lay dead before them. The sobs were starting to cut into him.

If there was anyone who could've possibly broken after losing a loved one, it was surely not Ibiki. Ibiki the strong, Ibiki the fearless, Ibiki the unbreakable. Indestructible. But Anko's death seemed to have finally pushed him past the reach of self-control, past the clutches of his hardened discipline and into the realm of emotional destruction.

It came as a shock to nobody that the two had had something together; for all their fronts of annoyance with each other, they were seen much too often in each other's company to fool anyone. Kakashi guessed that Anko was the one and only person Ibiki had finally let past his guard. The first and only person allowed to get close to him, close enough, it seemed, that Ibiki had grown to love her. For nothing but true, deep love could've broken Ibiki Morino. And before, it had seemed that not even that could do it.

Ibiki Morino had let Anko Mitarashi in. And he had loved her. And he had lost her.

Kakashi moved his gaze to the pale-faced woman in the casket. As he stared down at her from his place a few feet away, he found the person before him looking more and more familiar. A bigger nose. Stronger, wider jaw. Long thin scar crossing the tanned face. Familiar brown eyes, dulled in death.

Iruka.

That... that was his Iruka in there...

He started slightly and blinked rapidly, trying desperately to blank the image from his vision. It vanished and left him looking only at Anko's deadened features.

A hand fell on his arm and he jumped, but when he looked over and met Iruka's eyes, Iruka's deep, warm, still-living eyes, he calmed and breathed deeply.

"Kakashi? You okay?"

He blinked, momentarily reclaiming his emotions back from the frightnening images his mind had just created. 

No, Iruka was not dead. Iruka was right here... Right here next to me... Not dead...

"m' fine..."

The answer was murmurred under his breath, half-heartedly because he knew that he was not fine. Normally, Kakashi didn't even admit to himself when he was scared, but he knew that right then, he was more terrified than he'd ever been.

The past week had been bliss. Pure bliss. He had barely left Iruka's side the whole time, except for when the chuunin taught during the day. That first kiss had been followed by many others, all wonderfully unique and clear in his memory.

What his mind had just created before him had been a irreversible jolt to his system, waking him from the dream-like state in which he'd been living his life for the past week.

He was scared.

Scared of losing Iruka. Scared of losing the only person on the Earth that he cared for anymore. The only one he wanted to care for. His everything.

He turned his head from the man beside him. Every glance at Iruka brought back the sight of him dead. He focused his gaze instead on the broken man before the coffin.

Ibiki had yet to rise from the ground.

Kakashi watched him in silence, unable to look at anything else for fear of seeing the dead Iruka again.

But in Ibiki, kneeling there, broken and sobbing, he saw something almost as frightening.

He saw himself.

------------------------------------

Kakashi wasn't sure exactly how the two of them got away from the funeral service at last, only that he had never been happier to leave any place he'd ever been in his life. Iruka walked at his side, matching his pace as they steadily wound through the streets of Konoha, now dusky with the coming of evening. In fact, Kakashi found that the swiftly darkening sky suited his mood perfectly. Any scrap of optimism he'd held about his relationship with Iruka had gone down the drain after that afternoon, and now he found his mood both depressed and terrified still at the constant image his brain now held of Iruka dead and himself dying on the inside.

Iruka must've noticed the swing in his attitude too, because he kept glancing over at him worriedly.

Kakashi refused to meet his eye.

It scared him too badly.

Iruka had suggested they go back to his place and find something to eat (Kakashi had a feeling that it was more because the chuunin was worried about him more than he wanted to eat dinner) and Kakashi had agreed half-heartedly.

Kakashi lost track of the rest of the walk, knowing only to follow Iruka, and he eventually found himself seated at a familiar table, Iruka standing nearby over a hot stovetop.

Kakashi felt his brain refuse to function as it normally did. He knew it was totally irrational for him to be so changed by a little fear, but it just seemed so real to him, that he could lose Iruka at any time... and that he could end up like Ibiki, broken, dead in every way that really counted. He found he could still not look at Iruka the same way. He kept seeing him dead.

It was like some terrible horror movie scene, one of those ones with images so horrible that they stuck in your mind for days, weeks, haunting you and causing you irrational fear every time you looked at something that remotely related back to it. He couldn't get it out of his head.

He wanted so badly to just hold the man close and kiss him and feel him near to his body. But he knew that it wouldn't happen now. The fear was too deep-rooted.

It was giving him a wicked headache.

He buried his head in his hands, massaging his temples, trying to just... just get the damn image OUT of his HEAD. But it stuck there, like gum to the bottom of a theatre seat, not planning on leaving him in peace with his NOT-DEAD Iruka anytime soon.

His NOT. DEAD. Iruka.

His ALIVE Iruka.

Kami-sama, just make it go away... let me outta this goddamn genjutsu from HELL. Even though he knew very well that this was no genjutsu.

It was his own fucking imagination, and it was going to drive him completely insane if he didn't DO something about it.

A primal sort of instinct was starting to work its way into his system, that of escape. He felt trapped, he felt scared, and his body was screaming at him to run. Just run away and don't look back.

But his mind was telling him to stay the hell put and talk to Iruka about it. He would listen. He always did.

He tried listening to his mind, he really, really did, but even after they'd finished a silent dinner and washed the dishes, even after Iruka had tried several times to get him to talk, he had found he was too unnerved to speak. The most he'd managed was a few 'm'fine's that had barely served to deter the determined man. Iruka now had him sat down at the table facing him, and was insisting again that he tell him what the hell was the matter.

Kakashi had no answer for him.

What the hell was he supposed to say, anyways? 'Oh, I just keep seeing you dead and getting scared by looking at you, that's all.'

He decided to go with an original: "m'fine, 'Ruka."

"You're sure as hell not fine, Kakashi. Why can't you just tell me what's wrong? Is it something I did?"

Kakashi wished Iruka would quit jumping to the conclusion that it was his fault everytime Kakashi was having emotional issues. It was never Iruka's fault, and it never would be. Iruka couldn't do anything about the fact that Kakashi was an emotional wreck whose mind liked to mess with him.

"It's not your fault, 'Ruka..."

Kakashi began to massage his temples again, ducking his head down to avoid looking Iruka in the eyes. His hand brushed against his unmasked chin, feeling slight stubble starting to form there.

Hn. Need a shave...

"'Kashi. What the hell's the matter? You're worrying me."

Damn it... His voice was warm, caring, in that tone he knew was reserved for him and only him. It broke Kakashi's heart to think he couldn't even bring himself to look at this man who cared so much about him, and who he cared so much about in return. But he couldn't. He felt his hands start to shake against his forehead in frustration at his fear.

He didn't answer Iruka's question.

"Kakashi? Will you just answer me, please?"

He remained silent.

His hands were still shaking, though.

He almost winced inwardly at the feeling of a warm hand brushing back his bangs and pulling his own hand into its grip. A thumb caressed the back of his hand gently, soothingly.

But it was having the opposite effect than it normally did.

His hand continued to shake. He willed it not to, but he couldn't relax. Despite the warmness of the hand holding his own, he couldn't help but imagine it cold. Cold, dead, pale. He jerked his hand back instinctively at the thought.

Though he didn't look at Iruka's face, he could feel the expression on it. Hurt, mixed with worry and concern, mixed with deep concentration as he tried to decipher the situation.

All he could think was: I'm so sorry, so goddamn sorry, 'Ruka.

He couldn't even say so.

He was such a coward it disgusted him.

"Kakashi, wha-"

"Iruka."

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...

"Stop. Just, shut up, please."

He stood up from the table, leaning on it with both shaking hands, his voice catching in his throat as he spoke. He didn't even know why he'd said that. His mind had ceased controlling his actions. His emotions no longer had a say; his love for Iruka could do nothing to stop him from saying what he did, doing what he was going to do.

A glance up at Iruka's face almost broke him completely; the expressive, honest eyes looked so hurt, almost near tears. But that part of him was no longer in control, and since his instincts told him to run, his body would comply. He couldn't fight the primal urge to run away from whatever was causing him the distress, whatever gave him the fear. Get away. It was all he could do. All his body would let him do.

A million different things wanted to come out his mouth. A million apologies, a million excuses, a million 'I love you's.' But his body censored his mind and he could say nothing. Nothing except more hurtful words.

"I can't do this, Iruka. I just... I can't. I have to go."

He stood stiffly and headed for the door. He had never felt so goddamn cold in all his life. Never so helpless, either. All he could think was still 'I'm sorry.'

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I love you.

And that's why I have to leave.

He pulled up his mask and opened the door, stepping into the frame. As he walked away, he could hear the shouts from the kitchen.

"Kakashi! KAKASHI! You can't just fucking walk out like this! You can't just- you can't just leave!"

It broke his heart in two to hear it.

As soon as he was outside, he took off over the rooftops. He had no choice but to finish what he'd started. Finish his escape.

But it seemed like the dead Iruka seemed even more stuck in his mind than ever now.

---------------------------------------------

He reached the Hokage's tower in what felt like record time.

At first she seemed pretty disgruntled after he arrived at her door and banged on it for nearly ten minutes. He didn't know what the hell she was griping about; surely his current situation was a little more important than her getting drunk off of sake. Which, he knew, is what she did every evening. He'd never had a problem with that until now, when he really, really needed her help.

Kakashi was at the point of desperation.

A few moments ago, total realization of what he'd really done hit him full force, and though he'd tried to force his brain to believe his instinct's logic, he'd so far failed. He had tried to believe that this was for the best, but if it really was then why did he feel so broken, so miserable? His own logic escaped him.

Tsunade had irritably led him to her desk and told him to take a seat. He remained on his feet, with shaking hands and trembling body. He stared down at Tsunade, unsure of how to begin.

The Hokage looked back up at him, and he saw her expression visibly soften as she made eye contact with him. It was a little disconcerting; Kakashi couldn't ever recall her actually look like that... sort of... sad, but more like she felt terribly sorry for him.

"Kakashi, what happened?"

He didn't know what to say. He shifted nervously, wishing she would just give him a mission and be done with it.

"I'm not letting you go until you tell me what happened, brat."

It was said gently, despite her choice of words.

He felt his knees give out and he sank into the chair she had offered up earlier. The resolve he'd built up, the focus, dropped, and this time it was not the dead Iruka that plagued his mind, but the sound of his hurt voice, the look on his face, when he'd left.

His head was throbbing again. He took to massaging his temples some more.

"That bad, huh? Is he upset?"

Kakashi looked up, startled.

"W-what?"

"I'm not blind, Kakashi."

This was said with a small, gentle, very un-Tsunade like smile.

He looked back at her.

"It's so obvious?"

Another smile from the normally tough Hokage.

"No, I'm just very perceptive. Did you apologize to him?"

Kakashi could feel his own expression fall, and leaned his forehead on the flat of his hand.

"I... I just... I can't. Please, Lady Tsunade. I need to get out of here. Anything. I'll take anything you've got, just as long as it's not near him... I just can't even deal with it. I'm..."

Frustrated. Scared. Hopeless.

"I'm a goddamn coward."

He watched her face carefully, and she seemed to think very hard.

"Okay."

Thank you, kami-sama.

"But..."

Oh no...

"You'd better think long and hard while you're out there, Kakashi. Because you owe him an apology when you get back. You owe him at least that much."

She handed him a scroll from her desk, sealed, and gave him her sternest look, one that even made him cow a bit in inferiority.

"I'll see you in two months, Hatake. You'd better come home."

"I will, Tsunade-sama."

I do owe him that much.

And I still can't shake the images out of my head.

------------------------------------------

I was just guessing

At numbers and figures

Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science

Science and progress

Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me

Come back and haunt me

Oh and I rush to the start

Runnin' in circles

Chasin' our tails

Comin' back as we are

Nobody said it was easy

It's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be so hard

I'm goin' back to the start

----------------------------------------

Okay, I don't really like this one too much, but I LOVE the next chapter, so I wanted to power through this one and get past Kakashi's stupid moments. Idiot Jounin and their twisted logic...

Ah, well...

Please review. Makes me write.

Next Chapter: Warning Sign 


	7. Warning Sign

Chapter 7: Warning Sign

Okay, so maybe I was a little tough on myself about the last chaper; the more I reread it, the more I enjoy it. The angstyness actually worked out pretty well, I think, and I hope I didn't overdo Kakashi's emotions... sometimes it feels like I reiterate stuff too many times. Oh well.

Anyways, this chapter here was really clear in my head as I wrote it. I like it a lot, 'specially the end. Plus, this song is one of my very favorites (yes, I used Coldplay again; the two songs just paired up very nicely as an action-reaction sort of thing.)

Thanks to those who reviewed!

Disclaimer: I own neither Naruto nor the song used here. Both are copyright Masashi Kishimoto and Coldplay, respectively.

-------------------------

A warning sign

I missed a good part then I realized

I started lookin' and the bubble burst

I started lookin' for excuses

Come on in

I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in

I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones

That I started lookin' for a warning sign

But the truth is

I miss you

Yeah the truth is

I miss you, so...

-Warning Sign, Coldplay, copyright them.

------------------------

Kakashi's world was black.

Not pitch black, but black enough. The sort of darkness that surrounded you when you shut your eyes yet still saw some sunlight leaking in.

He wondered for a moment why everything was black.

Then he realized that it was probably because his eyes were shut.

But why were his eyes shut...? He didn't remember falling asleep. He didn't remember sleeping since a day ago, before...

Ah, yes. Ambushed...

Good thing I'm a kick-ass jounin, otherwise the situation could have been much, much worse...

He sat up.

Too fast, really.

Yes, much too fast. Because as he tried to rise from the woodland floor, besides the fact that all manner of leaves and foliage stuck to him, there was a sharp, excruciating pain that shot up his left side, stopping him abruptly and causing him to fall back onto his back wincing.

Ow.

The hell did I do to myself this time?

He gingerly prodded the area with a shaky hand; the pain throbbed throughout his body, now that he realized it was there. Whatever shock he'd been in before had obviously worn off, leaving him alone in the middle of nowhere, and very much in pain.

Upon further inspection, the wound proved to be quite shallow, but broad and sweeping, a series of slash wounds in the side of his chest. The bleeding had not yet completely stopped.

Must be why my hands are all weak and shaky... Not just chakra depletion this time.

He thought back to the actual skirmish, trying to pinpoint exactly when he'd be wounded. Kakashi could remember the enemy. He'd been a wild-faced man, with a scruffy grey beard and weird yellow eyes and teeth that made him look like a Hollywood wolfman.

In some aspects he was, I guess...

And he'd had summons with him. Not normal summons.

Those summons, unlike his own, did not think like humans did.

They had no emotion. They had no rationality besides animal instinct.

And they were the biggest goddamn wolves he'd ever seen in his life.

Ah, yes, now I remember. That's what got me. One of those gigantic freakin' wolves.

Hope it didn't have rabies or something.

He tried sitting up again, this time managing it despite the pain. His vision fogged black and he sat for a moment in dizzy darkness, feeling as if he'd like to just lie back and sleep and sleep forever.

He actually considered it momentarily.

It would certainly be easier than dragging himself all the way back to Konoha.

But an image flashed into his vision that knocked that thought straight out of his head. It was the image that had kept him going for the whole mission; it almost felt as if his fighting ability was doubled lately. He felt driven for the first time by something stronger than patriotism for his country. Stronger than cameraderie. Stronger even than the basic instinct to survive.

No, now Kakashi was driven by love.

He simply refused to die until he saw his Iruka again.

Until he apologized to Iruka. Until he was able to tell the man why he'd been so cold, so cruel. Iruka's face had never ceased haunting him all this long while out in the wilderness; Kakashi saw the hurt expression, the pained look in his brown eyes everywhere he looked.

And he was seeing it now.

And he would not let himself go until he said he was sorry to Iruka.

It was with that thought that Kakashi dragged himself to his feet.

Searing pain tore through him, catching him off guard and nearly making him fall right back to the Earth. But he fell instead against a tree trunk, bracing himself there with a shoulder and gritting his teeth from pain. The gashes in his side might not have been deep, but they stung like nothing else and shot strings of hurt up and down his body at every tiny movement.

"A-ah..." Curses tumbled from his lips unbidden, murmurred through gritted teeth. "Fuck..."

Again he considered falling back down and staying there. Forever. There was less pain that way.

But again he saw Iruka, and his resolve strengthened.

With an agonizing movement of his right side, Kakashi took his first step, stumbling forward and nearly falling after he moved away from the support of the tree.

Again he felt the urge to stop.

Again Iruka beckoned him forward.

The next step nearly brought him to his knees.

Iruka kept him upright.

Another step.

More pain, less intense but still agonizing.

His Iruka took his thoughts away from the hurt.

Another step. He was moving now, halting and slow, but still moving onward.

Iruka's smile fueled his body's motions.

Another step.

Pain.

Iruka.

Step.

Pain.

Iruka.

Step.

Pain.

"Iruka..." Muttered through a breathless throat.

Step.

Pain.

"Iruka."

----------------------------------

A lesser man might not have survived the day-long death march that Kakashi wove through the forest, but Kakashi was strong and he made it.

It was dark by the time he dragged his bleeding body int through the gates of Konoha. Kotetsu and Izumo met him there. Or, at least, he thought it was them, but his mind wasn't really focusing, so he supposed it could be two other chuunin... In any case, they kept trying to help him walk.

"Kakashi-sama!"

"You have to get to the hospital, you're bleeding all over the place."

"Let us help, will you?"

He shrugged off their arms and kept walking doggedly. Didn't they realize he had to apologize to someone?! How could he go to the hospital at a time like this? He didn't need medical attention, he needed to see Iruka!

"Come on, Kakashi-san! You're close to collapsing on us!"

Kakashi lost his temper. He really, really tried not to, but they just didn't understand! He HAD to SEE IRUKA. NOW. If he couldn't see Iruka, then why did he even bother dragging himself back all this way?

"Get... the fuck... off of me. Now. Gotta... gotta see... Iruka. Now. Hospital... later... Lemme go..."

It didn't come out at angry as he wanted it to, because he was having a hard time breathing as he spoke. Damn it, why wouldn't they take him seriously?! He had to see IRUKA!

"Kakashi, you HAVE to go to the hospital. Do you wanna die?!"

"Don' care... see Iruka... hospital later..."

It was time for desperate measures. He was sure he had enough chakra for one little teleport. Just one. For Iruka.

Before the two obnoxious chuunin who were keeping him away from HIS Iruka could stop him, his hands flashed through the signs, and he was gone.

---------------------------

Kakashi was surprised that he managed to land directly in front of Iruka's door; by all rights, he should have landed in some tree in the middle of the Forest of Death, judging by how exhausted and wounded he was. He was grateful beyond belief that his body had managed to make it to the right place. He didn't know if he could physically handle anymore walking.

As soon as he landed, his knees buckled, and he had to fall back against the doorframe to Iruka's apartment in order to remain standing.

His eyelids fell momentarily. He made sure they shot open again. The world now kept sliding in and out of focus, and he felt so weak...

So weak, in fact, that he could barely raise his fist to pound on the door. He mustered his strength, the little that was left, and slammed his hand down three times, as hard as he could.

Iruka had to hear him.

"Iruka!"

Since when was his voice so hoarse and crackly?

He waited. And waited. Minutes dragged by, and he felt himself starting to fade. It was becoming increasingly difficult even to lean against the wooden doorframe.

Panic started to come over him.

What if Iruka was sleeping and he didn't hear? What did he do then? Would he have come all the way here for nothing? What if he... what if he died before he got a chance to see him?

The last thought scared him most, and drove his mind close to hysteria. He frantically began to pound on the door, with strength born from panic.

"Iruka! IRUKA!"

Wake up, damnit! Wake up!

Before the panic divulged into manic hysteria, thankfully, the door finally swung inward slightly, revealing the silhouette of a man in the lighted doorway.

Kakashi relaxed instantaneously. And, therefore, his legs stopped holding him up. His grip released from the doorframe. His body fell forward and he was unable to right himself. His vision began blacking again... Damn it!

He's right there, and I can't apologize... Came all this way and I'm gonna pass out and I can't say I'm sorry and he'll still hate me and he'll leave me all alone at the hospital and he'll be mad at me for dropping over his doorstep and-

Warmth suddenly engulfed his freezing body. He felt strong muscles all around him, and his head landed against a soft, firm place that seemed to radiate heat. Blinking tired eyes and relaxing into the arms, he breathed in deeply. The scent filled him up, bringing so much happiness to him that he felt he might pass out from that rather than bloodloss or anything unpleasant like that. The scent was that of Iruka, the same scent he'd tried so hard to remember the whole time he'd been away. He hadn't been able to remember it before, but now, it came flooding into him. He had missed it so badly...

"'Ruka?"

It was a pointless question. He already KNEW that the arms surrounding him were Iruka's he. He knew. But he wanted to hear his voice again.

"Right here, 'Kashi. Right here."

It was whispered in his ear, gently, not a trace of anger in it. So, was he angry, or not? Kakashi couldn't tell. He knew Iruka should be angry with him, but it didn't sound like he was...

But he still had to apologize! That was what had driven him to be here in the first place. Although, if he wasn't mad... No! He still had to say he was sorry. Tsunade's words echoed back to him. 'You owe him an apology when you get back. You owe him at least that much.'

She was right. Despite whether or not he was angry, Kakashi owed Iruka an apology.

"'Ruka, I-"

"Shh. Don't talk. Kami, 'Kashi, what the hell did you do to yourself now?"

Lulled by the soothing voice, Kakashi almost forgot Mission: Apologize to Iruka in favor of falling asleep right there. But he forced himself awake.

"No, 'Ruka, let me t-"

"What the... Kakashi, you're bleeding! We have to get that bandaged u-"

"Iruka! Le...let me talk... first... okay? Just... lemme..."

The world faded away for a moment longer before he was able to continue.

"Iruka... m'sorry... m' so sorry. I... I just... I was so s...scared. Aft... after the funeral, with Anko... so scared... didn'... didn't want to lose you... m'sorry... it's my faul-"

"Shh, 'Kashi. S'okay. I understand. It's alright."

"S...so you...forgive...me?"

"I will. Maybe not now, but I will soon."

That was good enough for Kakashi. He dropped his head back against Iruka's warm chest and rested. But Iruka shook him ever so gently and woke him as soon as he started to sleep.

"M'so tired, 'Ruka... wan' sleep."

"I know, 'Kashi. I know. Just a little longer, I promise. Then you can sleep."

Kakashi felt the arms about him shift and he found himself with his good side pressed against Iruka's left side, held there tightly but gently. Iruka led him to what Kakashi assumed was the bathroom, and Kakashi did his best to stumble along on his leaden limbs. He felt Iruka lower him down and he followed the implied motion, sitting down on what felt like the toilet with the lid down. Iruka moved away for a moment. Kakashi wished he would come back.

A second later, Kakashi felt a horrible stinging in his side and had the sensation of a liquid being poured over the open wounds. He bit back a yell, instead gritting his teeth and wincing.

"Sorry, I know it hurts... I have to clean it out."

Iruka worked quickly, and within minutes Kakashi felt bandages being wound around him. Sometime in the whole process Iruka had taken his shirt, although he wasn't sure exactly when. He wished the other man would hold him again, though. He was cold, and his side hurt. A moment later, Iruka brought a warm cloth to his face and began to wipe it off. Kakashi wondered why, until he glanced at the once-white cloth when Iruka was done. It was now a horrible red-brown rust color. Blood, sweat and dirt, he guessed.

Ew. I don't blame him for washing that off...

He tried to focus his vision back on Iruka, who was now attempting to pull a clean t-shirt over Kakashi's head. Kakashi wished he could help him with that, but he was having a hard time moving at all.

Again he focused on trying to see Iruka clearly, and this time kind of managed it. Something was different, he realized... something...

Not his eyes. Not the scar. Not the tanned skin. Those were all the same. No, it was something else...

His hair.

Rather than the neat, brown ponytail that used to rest behind his head, there now was nothing but short spikes of chocolate-colored hair. Very short. The hair was not styled in any particular fashion at the moment, but was instead mussed up all over his head, sticking up in places and the short bangs falling across the very top of his forehead.

He'd cut his hair.

Kakashi couldn't recall ever seeing Iruka with short hair; always he'd had the ponytail, even as a young boy, from the photos he'd seen.

Reaching out a shaky hand to feel the top of Iruka's head, Kakashi wondered why he'd cut it. There had to be a reason...

"...Cut your hair..."

Iruka looked at him with a small, sad sort of smile.

"Yeah, I did. After you left."

"Why?"

"It's...not important."

"Iruka... why did you cut it?"

He sighed before answering, reaching up and taking Kakashi's hand from atop his head and holding it tightly.

"I guess... I guess it was me trying to move on. Get over you. And for a few weeks, it worked. I felt free, unburdened. But after that wore off, I started to get lonely. I guess that after you're with someone all the time for even a week or so, you feel alone without them. I told myself I shouldn't miss you, but I did.

"But, that doesn't matter now. What matters is that you came home and you apologized. You have to promise me, though, that you will never do that to me again, okay? You can always talk to me if something's bothering you, you know that. Just... just don't run away from me again."

Kakashi squeezed his hand gently.

"Never. I promise."

"Good. Now, lets get you to bed, yeah?"

Before Iruka helped him up, he handed him a large glass of water to drink, telling him that he was going to get dehydrated if he didn't. He then wrapped strong arms about him once more, careful not to touch the newly-bandaged wounds, and helped him to stand. Or, more like to sort of stand but mostly lean all his weight on Iruka's side. In the end, Iruka pretty much dragged him to the bed before gently laying him back on it and unfolding blanket after blanked atop him.

Kakashi looked hopefully up at him after he finished with blankets, trying his best to wear a cute, 'I'm cold and injured, please sleep next to me' face.

Which must have been pretty damn funny, thinking back on it...

Iruka rolled his eyes, smiled, and then crawled in next to him. Warm arms enfolded Kakashi and brought him in close to a thinly clothed chest that radiated heat. He could hear the heartbeat of the man beside him, feel him breath in and out, and that was the best part of it. Iruka was alive, Iruka had forgiven him, and Iruka was right there beside him.

Kakashi snuggled in closer to the chest, gripping the fabric of Iruka's shirt in his fist. He felt for all the world like a child sleeping next to his father after a bad dream.

He breathed in contentedly, and felt a hand begin to stroke through his hair soothingly. His eyes shut, finally able to relax completely.

Kakashi was safe.

"'Ruka?"

His voice was muffled by shirt fabric.

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For forgiving me."

A low, rumbling chuckle vibrated throughout Kakashi's body from Iruka's chest.

"You're very welcome, 'Kashi."

Safe.

---------------------------

A warning sign

Came back to haunt me and I realized

That you were an island and I passed you by

That you were an island to discover

Come on in

I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in

I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones

That I started looking for a warning sign

When the truth is

I miss you

Yeah the truth is

I miss you, so

And I'm tired

I should not have let you down

So I crawl back into your open arms

And I crawl back into your open arms

Yes, I crawl back into your open arms...

------------------------

I loved this chapter. Possibly my very favorite thing I've ever written in my life. Please review... I want to know if it was as good as I think it was...

Anyways, next chapter is called So Far Away, and it shall probably be the last of the happiness for the rest of the story... prepare for angst after that...

'Til next chapter! 


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